What does Islam Say about Marriage Without Parents’ Blessing?

Marriage in Islam is a social relationship and should be done legally under Islamic law. It is a social need because the family intends to establish and the fundamental entity of society.

Marriage will give new happiness for two families that have already united by it. but, what if the marriage happens without a blessing? Is there still happiness for both families?

The Marriage Concepts

Marriage in Islam has a strong advocate than any other religion. That because there is no celibacy in Islam. That is why in Islam, people should marry. As mention in the Quran, surah An Nisa verse 1 as one of the ways how to overcome self-doubt in Islam about marriage.

يٰٓاَيُّهَا النَّاسُ اتَّقُوْا رَبَّكُمُ الَّذِيْ خَلَقَكُمْ مِّنْ نَّفْسٍ وَّاحِدَةٍ وَّخَلَقَ مِنْهَا زَوْجَهَا وَبَثَّ مِنْهُمَا رِجَالًا كَثِيْرًا وَّنِسَاۤءً ۚ وَاتَّقُوا اللّٰهَ الَّذِيْ تَسَاۤءَلُوْنَ بِهٖ وَالْاَرْحَامَ ۗ اِنَّ اللّٰهَ كَانَ عَلَيْكُمْ رَقِيْبًا – ١

“O, people! Fear your Lord who created you from your one (Adam), and (Allah) created his (Eve) partner from (you are) self, and from two Gods breed many men and women. Fear God who in His name you ask one another, and (maintain) family relations. Truly, God is always watching and watching you.”

The point of marriage in Islam is to integrate two people becomes a legal couple. Marriage is one of the social needs to larger the social community as the family. By marriage, there will be a new family and both of them become closer because of it. It mentions in the Quran surah Al Hujurat verse 13

يٰٓاَيُّهَا النَّاسُ اِنَّا خَلَقْنٰكُمْ مِّنْ ذَكَرٍ وَّاُنْثٰى وَجَعَلْنٰكُمْ شُعُوْبًا وَّقَبَاۤىِٕلَ لِتَعَارَفُوْا ۚ اِنَّ اَكْرَمَكُمْ عِنْدَ اللّٰهِ اَتْقٰىكُمْ ۗاِنَّ اللّٰهَ عَلِيْمٌ خَبِيْرٌ – ١٣

“O, people! Indeed, We have created you from a man and a woman, then We made you nationals and tribes so that you know each other. Surely the noblest of you in the sight of Allah is the most pious. Truly, Allah is All-Knowing, “

Based on the manners of knowledge seeker in Islam, in Islamic law, there are several things to do so the marriage becomes legal. The wali from the brides is the important thing. Commonly, the father is the wali for the brides.

That is why parents’ blessing is important to fulfill the wali requirements. But, what if the marriage happens without any blessing? Is the marriage legal and valid in Islam? First of all, we should know the aim of marriage.

Marriage Without Wali

Blessing in a marriage is considerable with wali which becomes of the requirements in the marriage process. A marriage will be valid and legal if the requirements of it already fulfilled by the bride and the groom.

Wali becomes important as one of the requirements to fulfill it. The definition of wali comes for parents, or family that has relatives belong to the bride.

On the other hand, wali can come to them who have the requirements as the wali in Islam. So, the marriage is valid as long as the wali requirements are fulfilled. As mentions in the Quran surah An-Nur  verse 32,

وَاَنْكِحُوا الْاَيَامٰى مِنْكُمْ وَالصّٰلِحِيْنَ مِنْ عِبَادِكُمْ وَاِمَاۤىِٕكُمْۗ اِنْ يَّكُوْنُوْا فُقَرَاۤءَ يُغْنِهِمُ اللّٰهُ مِنْ فَضْلِهٖۗ وَاللّٰهُ وَاسِعٌ عَلِيْمٌ – ٣٢

“And marry those who are still single among you, and also those who are worthy (married) to your male and female servants. If they are poor, God will give them abilities with His gifts. And Allah is Mahaluas (His gift), Omniscient.”

Another verse in the Quran also says about wali in a marriage process. It mentions in the surah Al Baqarah 229

اَلطَّلَاقُ مَرَّتٰنِ ۖ فَاِمْسَاكٌۢ بِمَعْرُوْفٍ اَوْ تَسْرِيْحٌۢ بِاِحْسَانٍ ۗ وَلَا يَحِلُّ لَكُمْ اَنْ تَأْخُذُوْا مِمَّآ اٰتَيْتُمُوْهُنَّ شَيْـًٔا اِلَّآ اَنْ يَّخَافَآ اَلَّا يُقِيْمَا حُدُوْدَ اللّٰهِ ۗ فَاِنْ خِفْتُمْ اَلَّا يُقِيْمَا حُدُوْدَ اللّٰهِ ۙ فَلَا جُنَاحَ عَلَيْهِمَا فِيْمَا افْتَدَتْ بِهٖ ۗ تِلْكَ حُدُوْدُ اللّٰهِ فَلَا تَعْتَدُوْهَا ۚوَمَنْ يَّتَعَدَّ حُدُوْدَ اللّٰهِ فَاُولٰۤىِٕكَ هُمُ الظّٰلِمُوْنَ – ٢٢٩

“Divorce (which can be referred to) twice. (After that the husband can) hold well, or let go well. It is not lawful for you to take back what you have given them, apart from (husband and wife) the fear of not being able to live God’s laws. If you (saints) are worried about not being able to carry out God’s laws, then you don’t need to sin for the payment (must) be given by the wife to redeem herself. These are God’s laws, so do not break them. Whoever overcomes the laws of Allah, they are wrongdoers.”

So, based on that verse, is it possible to marriage without wali from their own parents which may they are not blessing the marriage.

The Purpose of Marriage

The point of marriage is as important as the purpose. Whether you marry with wali from your parents or not, the purpose becomes crucial here. The wali from your parents represents their approval to marry their daughter.

That means, if your marriage happens without a blessing from them, you should take your time properly to think about your marriage purpose. Parents’ role gives the significant reason why they do not give their blessing to their daughter/son.

That is why marriage without a blessing is still happening from time to time and becomes such a complicated issue. But, if your marriage purpose is in the following line in Islamic rules, there is no exception to ban the marriage.

In the Quran surah Al Baqarah verse 221 says that as long as we married the faithful ones, Allah will take us to His heaven as we become closer to Him. Trying to be closer to Allah is not forbidden to do.

وَلَا تَنْكِحُوا الْمُشْرِكٰتِ حَتّٰى يُؤْمِنَّ ۗ وَلَاَمَةٌ مُّؤْمِنَةٌ خَيْرٌ مِّنْ مُّشْرِكَةٍ وَّلَوْ اَعْجَبَتْكُمْ ۚ وَلَا تُنْكِحُوا الْمُشْرِكِيْنَ حَتّٰى يُؤْمِنُوْا ۗ وَلَعَبْدٌ مُّؤْمِنٌ خَيْرٌ مِّنْ مُّشْرِكٍ وَّلَوْ اَعْجَبَكُمْ ۗ اُولٰۤىِٕكَ يَدْعُوْنَ اِلَى النَّارِ ۖ وَاللّٰهُ يَدْعُوْٓا اِلَى الْجَنَّةِ وَالْمَغْفِرَةِ بِاِذْنِهٖۚ وَيُبَيِّنُ اٰيٰتِهٖ لِلنَّاسِ لَعَلَّهُمْ يَتَذَكَّرُوْنَ ࣖ – ٢٢١

“And do not marry a polytheist before they believe. Indeed, a woman’s faithful servant who is better than a polytheist she attracts your heart. And do not marry the polytheists (with women who believe) before they believe. Truly, a male slave is better than a polytheist because he attracts you. They invited to hell, while Allah invited to heaven and forgiveness with His permission. (Allah) explains His verses to humans so they can take lessons.”

That verse is referring to Muslims that they should not marry any polytheist. Besides, there also characteristics of hypocrite women in Islam that must be avoided by every Muslim in between choosing a spouse.

Marriage, with or without a blessing?

Marriage, with or without a blessing is about the culture in the society right now. Allah already mentions in the Quran that marriage in Allah’s way is better than neglect it.

In the Quran surah, Ar Ruum verse 21 mentions doing marriage to get reconciliation and peace in life. Besides, give no blessing to the daughter/son to get married is against the law of parents who hurt their children’s hurt in Islam and its verses.

وَمِنْ اٰيٰتِهٖٓ اَنْ خَلَقَ لَكُمْ مِّنْ اَنْفُسِكُمْ اَزْوَاجًا لِّتَسْكُنُوْٓا اِلَيْهَا وَجَعَلَ بَيْنَكُمْ مَّوَدَّةً وَّرَحْمَةً ۗاِنَّ فِيْ ذٰلِكَ لَاٰيٰتٍ لِّقَوْمٍ يَّتَفَكَّرُوْنَ – ٢١

“And among His signs (greatness) is that He created pairs for you of your own kind so that you can use peaceful tents, and He makes among you gratitude and love. Really, in that, there really are signs (the greatness of God) for people who think.”

So, the conclusion of marriage without a blessing is lawful as long as it is undertaking in Islamic ways. It will be better to get Allah’s blessing than any other thing. That is the one way to get purposes of believing Allah for Muslims.