It’s never be so easy for marriage. Besides making sure of our readiness for such a strong union like that, we also need to find the right partner to make it happen. Finding a right partner is also so difficult. However, in Islam, there are some ways of teaching that explain about how to find the right life-partner.
Whether you’re a woman seeking the Mr Right, or you’re a man seeking the Mrs. Right, it’s never been so much easy. Therefore, in this post, we’re going to find out some great tips to choose a woman as life-partner in Islam.
- Identify the reason why you need a woman in your life
This is the first step you need to do whenever you decide to seek the right woman in your life. You should know first the reason why you need a woman to marry. Whether it is good, or bad. You should have a concrete intention on why you need to get married with this particular person and build a family. If you’re never sure in the first place, the rest will never be smooth.
Finding a woman as the right partner should be followed with serious commitment and the relationship not only last for this time, but also for the hereafter. That’s why identifying the reason why you need a woman in your life is important.
2. Start lowering your gaze
Allah persuaded us to keep our modesty by lowering our gaze. Just because we need to find the right woman in our life, that doesn’t mean we forget the obligation to lower our gaze. We should keep on believing that everyone was destined to be with someone else, we just need not to lower our modesty and God will do the rest.
“Tell the believing men to lower their gaze and be modest. That is purer for them. Lo! Allah is aware of what they do” (Qur’an, 24:30).
3. Ask someone for advise
Ask someone for advise. It’s indeed a good idea. Sometimes, you will be trapped into the circumstance when you need some additional information about the woman you’re attracted to, or maybe to simply verify whether the woman is right or not. Asking someone for advise can also give you some references of standard and criteria of woman you need to find. It actually helps you to determine which one is better and right.
see also: benefits of night prayer
4. Involve parents
You need to involve your parents in determining which woman is right for you. Your parents are those who raise you since you were young, they must be understanding and knowing what’s best for you. Ask them for suggestion and advise. Ask them whether they’re agree to your decision or not. Without their blessing, your marriage later will not be smooth enough. So that’s why you need to pay attention to your parents in determining your life partner. (Read also rights of parents after marriage)
5. Choose the religious one
We will not aim enough if we only choose for beautiful woman. It will be such a wasted to have a beautiful partner capable in doing nothing. It will also be wasted to marry a woman who is not spiritually religious, because in then she will not know how to maintain goodness in life. Our Prophet (peace and blessing of Allah may be upon him) persuaded his people to seek for religious women as life partner:
“A woman is married for four things: her wealth, her noble ancestry, her beauty and her religion. So win the religious woman; (otherwise) you will be a loser.” (Al-Bukhari)
6. Don’t prioritize appearance over anything
Beauty with an evil soul is indeed such a wasted. Looking for life partner based on appearance and neglecting other aspect will not make you aim enough. There are other potential factor you need to concern besides appearance of someone that might be beneficial for you. It is better to prefer a woman who is supportive, understanding, religious, hard-working, etc over the beautiful one. It is good to have a beautiful wife because she will look much attractive.
Yet, attractiveness doesn’t depend on beauty of the face itself. It depends on the manner, moral, etiquette, and also the intellectualism. That’s why it is better not to prioritize appearance over anything.
“Do not marry women for their good looks, as their beauty might destroy them; and do not marry them for their wealth as their riches might lead them to be overbearing. Marry them for their religion; and a black and unattractive maid who is religious, is better [than them both].” (Ibn Maajah)
7. Treat a woman with honor
We have rights to be treated in a proper manner, so does everyone else in this world. Therefore, we also need to realize the rights of women to be treated properly in such a manner that contains kindness and modesty. You’re suitable enough to find a woman as life-partner, once you have successfully treat them with honor.
Why should a woman be with a man who can treat them in such a honor, and can’t appreciate them wholeheartedly? Women will think twice to let themselves be with men who don’t treat them respectfully and spend the rest of their lives with men who don’t know how to honor women. So, start treating women with honor, whoever they are, and you will deserve being with one you really want to.
“And live with them in kindness. For if you dislike them – perhaps you dislike a thing and Allah makes therein much good” (Qur’an, 4:19)
8. Talk with manner and speak to the point
When you start meeting a woman, talk with manner and speak to the point. You should follow the Islamic guideline without flirting and sexual nature. Of course, it is better to meet each other with company.
In the early stage of knowing each other, it is good for each other to find out the comprehensiveness of Islamic knowledge and practice. After that, you can start sharing dream and educational planning. Remember, talk with manner, don’t forget to give salaam and pay attention when she is talking.
Speak the truth, and don’t try to life even on simple particular things. When you feel like getting long with her, you can start to talk about more serious topics, like the ideal marriage each other aspire, and the future of your relationship. It’s really good to share things continuously with each other in order to determine whether she is potential or not.
9. Similarity in culture
It’s not obligated to find a life-partner based on the similarity in culture. Yet, it will be better if you can find one who has similar cultural background with you. First, it will be easy for both family later to adapt with new people because both family share the same culture.
Second, it will be easier for you when you already marry with the woman you choose, because the similarity of cultural background will prevent some cultural conflict and you will have lack cultural barriers. But if you already choose and are attracted with those who share no same background culturally, it is not a big deal then.
“Choose for your semen (i.e., children); marry suitable people [to each other] and get married to suitable partners.” (Ibn Maajah)
10. Surround yourself with good people
When you surround yourself and make friends with good people, the doors of networking with other people will be opened for you. The circle of friend you keep up to really affects the potential spouse you will find later. It’s almost impossible to find a religious woman or a modest one when you’re still hanging out with bad people around you.
So start making friends with good ones, Inshaa Allah you will find the best for yourself. Our Prophet (peace and blessing of Allah may be upon him) have talked about befriending good people:
“The example of a good companion and a bad companion is like that of the seller of musk, and the one who blows the blacksmith’s bellows. So as for the seller of musk then either he will grant you some, or you buy some from him, or at least you enjoy a pleasant smell from him. As for the one who blows the blacksmith’s bellows then either he will burn your clothes or you will get an offensive smell from him.” (Al-Bukhari and Muslim)
see also: importance of subh prayer
- Make sure of financial readiness
- Make sure of emotional readiness
- Ask for companion whenever both have appointment
- Make a du’a
- Be realistic
- Avoid internet match-making
- Make a tahajjud
- Maintain chastity of both
- Be calm
- Maintain spiritual awareness
That’s all 20 great ways to find a woman as life-partner in Islam. So, let’s start being a better person and make sure you follow the tips profoundly! May we always be blessed with joy and mercy from Allah.