11 Questions You Must Ask When Proposing
Marriage is uniting a man with a woman. In Islam itself, concerning marriage itself is also found in the verse of the Quran. Marriage can also avoid slander, especially for couples who are in love. If there are seeds of love, it would be nice to immediately propose. This aims to avoid adultery.
(Also read: 15 Rewards of Matchmaking in Islam)
However, there is also khitbah before marriage. For khitbah, it cannot be considered as a muhrim. Every person comes to propose; of course, questions will usually appear and they must be asked when proposing or even before accepting the proposal. Following are the questions that must be asked when proposing.
- His religion
The current development is growing so fast, that some stories emerge when non-religious proposals are feared to fall away from their religion. Therefore, when it comes to proposing, questions about religion are important. Rasullullah once said:
“Religion is advice for Allah, His Book, His Messenger, and the faith of the Muslims in general” (Shahir hadith Muslim history)
It is important to know the religion of the couple’s bride in order to avoid gaps due to differences in the religion of each individual. Moreover, if both of them are religious, it will be easy to carry out marriage processions and guidelines in building a household.
- Is the Woman Ready to Have a Husband?
Marry a man who really deserves you, not because of age but because he is the person. As a woman who will have a husband, it would be nice to prepare before accepting a proposal by thinking carefully.
- Reasons for Choosing a Partner
The question that must be asked when proposing is the reason for choosing a partner. In some Islamic films, this is certainly often described because the reason for choosing a partner will usually make someone’s heart steady, whether it is the in-laws or the family of each bride. Here is one of the reasons quoted from Heaven’s Tear Film in brief:
“The reason I chose him was because I felt he was the most beautiful branch. Because when I take the branch, my feelings are still normal, but on the way in my heart I feel affection, and over time I fall in love.”
- Is the Man Ready to Have a Wife?
Men who will have wives must be prepared to take responsibility for supporting their families and wives. Asking this would seem to help strengthen a man’s heart in fostering a household, especially by having a wife in his life later. Some hadiths also reveal that actually if you are poor, it’s not an exact time to marry yet. Marriage is also a sign of God’s authority, as in the Surah Ar-Rum verse 21 which means:
“And among His signs is He created for you wives of your own kind, so that you will tend and feel secure to him, and made Him among you affection. Verily in that, there are truly signs for those who think.”
(Also read: How To Dress Up for Men According To Islam)
- Mahar Will be Given
Mahar referred here is related to the conditions given by women and men. Regarding this matter, a hadith also reveals that dowry is a requirement in a marriage that must be fulfilled. The hadith reads:
Uqban bin Aamir ra said: Rasullullah once said: Requirements that are worthy of (must) be kept are dowry to justify farji (i.e. in marriage). (Bukhari, Muslim)
Mahar itself is usually determined by both parties in accordance with their respective capabilities. There is no definite standard regarding the dowry itself.
- Family Tree
The question that must be asked when proposing someone is about the family tree. A family tree or family structure must be clear. Why is that? In Islam, it has a number of restrictions about marrying a woman or man who is desolate. Because it is feared it will not be good for the future. Knowing clearly the composition of the family will enable you to avoid bad things.
- Ready to Build a Household
Building a household is not a case that appears overnight. It requires processes and stages that need to be passed so that you can ask about being ready to settle down and couples are ready to receive strengths, weaknesses, even solve family problems together. Building a household will usually bring a lot of merits and avoid adultery. When a man comes, a hadith will also say like this,
“If there is a man of good character then marry him.” (HR. Tirmidzi)
- Work Owned
Regarding work, this will usually be related to men because through his job, a family will understand how capable he is to support his family later. But the truth about wealth also exists in the Quranic verses. Where the verse contains:
“And marry those who are alone among you and those who are worthy (married) from the servants of your servants who are men and servants of your godly women. If it is poor, God will enrich them with their gifts. And Allah is vast (giving) and Most knowledgeable.” (Surah An-Nuur verse 32)
So as Muslims, if you are going to get married, you do not need to worry too much about fortune later, because fortune is actually already set up.
- Approval of Both Parties
The agreement from both parties is very important. Do not get married without bringing the blessing of both parents because the ridho of Allah is the ridho of the parents. Building a household with the agreement of both parties will be able to build close ties now and in the future.
- Are the Couples Ready to Accept Each Other’s Shortcomings?
Building a household ark needs a sense of tolerance and mutual understanding. When they face problems in the household, it should be shared together. And usually accepting each other’s shortcomings is not necessarily easy.
- The Witness for the Marriage
A marriage is considered valid if a witness says that the marriage is legal. The witness himself has also been regulated in the Islamic religion. Until the Kabul consent was supposed to be one breath without any wrong words. Choosing exactly who the witness is in a marriage will be very helpful so that the marriage is truly legitimate in the presence of invited guests and valid before God.
In conclusion, the question that should be asked when proposing is something that will also determine how you will develop your household. Each person will decide to get married and make choices with istikharah prayer.
(Also read: 8 Prayer for Getting Partner and Fortune)
No need to worry about capital or sustenance because by marrying, God will enrich it so that what you want can be fulfilled and done.