What Should I Do When Someone Doesn’t Forgive Me?

Sometimes we made a mistake and realized that the mistake makes someone hurt. That is why with some courage you go to them to asking their forgiveness. But, what if they don’t give their forgiveness to you? It is not that we regret what makes them hurt, but we were sorry for it. Still, they don’t give their mercy for you.

Hurting someone is painful and not getting mercy from someone is more hurtful. We face different situations with the relationship. Nothing happens even if you try so hard to apologize. And you become tired of it but still, you need the mercy from someone you’ve wronged. Then you need to see how to overcome self-doubt in Islam.

So, how Islam facing these situations? Whether Allah is much forgiving to their believer. Does Allah forgive someone who doesn’t get forgiving for others? In the Quran surah An-Nur verse 22 mentions that:

وَاللّٰهُ غَفُوْرٌ رَّحِيْمٌ – ٢٢

“And Allah is Forgiving, Most Merciful.”

So, here we have some tips for you when someone doesn’t forgive you. It might be happening for everyone that getting a hard situation seeking forgiveness from parents, siblings, or friends.

Indeed forgiving each other is more important to do and it is a reflection of the importance of love in Islam. Such as mentions in the Quran surah At Tagabun verse 14 mentions this.

يٰٓاَيُّهَا الَّذِيْنَ اٰمَنُوْٓا اِنَّ مِنْ اَزْوَاجِكُمْ وَاَوْلَادِكُمْ عَدُوًّا لَّكُمْ فَاحْذَرُوْهُمْۚ وَاِنْ تَعْفُوْا وَتَصْفَحُوْا وَتَغْفِرُوْا فَاِنَّ اللّٰهَ غَفُوْرٌ رَّحِيْمٌ – ١٤

“O, believers! Indeed, among your wives and your children, there are enemies to you, so be careful of them, and if you apologize and you are gracious and forgive (them), then truly, Allah is Forgiving, Most Merciful.”

1. Take a Time to Reflect

Reflection means you need to take some time to see what happens between you and someone you sorry for. If after you seeking forgiveness they are still don’t give their forgiveness for you, you might do something painful for them?

That is why you need to reflect on yourself. You need to realize that something that you think easy or fine for you, may not always fine for others.

After taking a reflection, go through someone you sorry for and try to apologize again. Indeed Allah loves them who take a reflection. In the Quran surah, Al Hasyr verse 18 mentions this.

يٰٓاَيُّهَا الَّذِيْنَ اٰمَنُوا اتَّقُوا اللّٰهَ وَلْتَنْظُرْ نَفْسٌ مَّا قَدَّمَتْ لِغَدٍۚ وَاتَّقُوا اللّٰهَ ۗاِنَّ اللّٰهَ خَبِيْرٌ ۢبِمَا تَعْمَلُوْنَ – ١٨

“O, believers! Fear God and let everyone pay attention to what he has done for tomorrow (the hereafter), and fear Allah. Truly, Allah is Examining what you do.”

2. Make Amends

Asking for forgiveness and admitted that you were wrong needs a sign of big courage. If that still not works, you need to repeat for asking forgiveness after you take a reflection. Whether promises something wasteful about your sorry it is better to make amends.

At least you feel better while you can’t make up the situation. Do something simple that makes the person you’ve wronged feel better just like how to collect good deeds in Ramadhan.

Always keep doing good and let the rest of it to Allah. May you get His blessing. In the Quran surah, Al Ankabut verse 69 mentions about this.

 وَاِنَّ اللّٰهَ لَمَعَ الْمُحْسِنِيْنَ ࣖ – ٦٩

“And truly, Allah is with those who do good.”

3. Be Patient

You can’t force someone to forgive you.  You can’t tell someone to let the past go. You can’t tell someone to get over the pain and heal. There is nothing you can do about these circumstances except to be patient.

Yes, keep doing the good thing as your amends for the one you’ve wronged and been patient with it. This is why the importance of time in Islam becomes a big matter in society.

Moreover, Allah loves them with the patient. In the Quran surah, Al Baqarah verse 153 mentions about this.

يٰٓاَيُّهَا الَّذِيْنَ اٰمَنُوا اسْتَعِيْنُوْا بِالصَّبْرِ وَالصَّلٰوةِ ۗ اِنَّ اللّٰهَ مَعَ الصّٰبِرِيْنَ – ١٥٣

“O, believers! Ask for help (to Allah) patiently and offer prayers. Truly, Allah is with those who are patient.”

4. Take Responsibility

Make amends for someone you need to sorry for is a part of the responsibility. That time you know what matters that make them don’t give their forgiveness. You might not understand why they’re feeling so upset about it. That is why it is better to take responsibility for it.

Indeed Allah loves them who take responsibility for their mistake. In the Quran surah, Al Mudassir verse 38 mentions about this.

كُلُّ نَفْسٍۢ بِمَا كَسَبَتْ رَهِيْنَةٌۙ – ٣٨

“Everyone is responsible for what he has done,”

5. Forgive Yourself

Last but not least is forgiving yourself. You may get the hard feeling on your circumstances about this to apologize for a thing. It is important to find ways to know yourself before knowing Allah and its verses.

If you forgive yourself, you will be able to take responsibility for something you wronged. After that, you can deal with someone you’ve wronged and if it is possible to make a deal with them.

Moreover, Allah love who forgiving themselves. In the Quran surah, A Zumar verse 53 mentions about this.

قُلْ يٰعِبَادِيَ الَّذِيْنَ اَسْرَفُوْا عَلٰٓى اَنْفُسِهِمْ لَا تَقْنَطُوْا مِنْ رَّحْمَةِ اللّٰهِ ۗاِنَّ اللّٰهَ يَغْفِرُ الذُّنُوْبَ جَمِيْعًا ۗاِنَّهٗ هُوَ الْغَفُوْرُ الرَّحِيْمُ – ٥٣

“Say, “O my servants who transgress their limits! Do not despair from the grace of God. Verily Allah forgives all sins. Truly, He is the Most Forgiving, Most Merciful.”

So, there are 5 tips you can do if someone doesn’t forgive you. Whether Allah is full of mercy, that is why forgiving each other without grudge is more important to do.