20 Ways How to Deal with Disobedient Child in Islam

Review by : Yuli SE., MM

Having a child in can make a family become complete and the life is certainly very fun for parents. However, there are some behaviors and attitudes of children, especially if the child has a naughty character, stubborn, not obedient, and difficult to regulate and it makes the parents have a difficult time to raise the child. When facing a child with such a character, our duty as a parent is to be able to choose the correct and appropriate way in overcoming child mischief and make him change for a better person.

O you who believe! Indeed, from your spouses and your children (are) enemies to you, so beware of them. But if you pardon and overlook and forgive, then indeed, Allah (is) Oft-Forgiving, Most Merciful. (At-Taghabun 64:14)

Here is presented how to deal with the disobedient child in Islam.

1. Give some advice

Disobedient children just need to be advised of their mistakes so they know their mistakes and they will not repeat them. This is a good method because we don’t use any force and violence to educate the children to change themselves. Moreover, by giving some advice, we show that we care and want the best for them.

Rasulullah SAW said to Abdullah bin Abbas ra, “O child, I will teach you a few sentences (advice): keep the boundaries of Allah so he will take care of you, keep the boundaries (Shari’a) then you will find Him in front of you. (HR Tirmidzi no. 2516)

2. Hang a stick or other batter on the wall of the house

The point is certainly not to hit his family members, but is simply to make family members afraid of the threat, so they leave bad deeds and despicable. It aims to educate the disobedient children so that they are afraid of doing things that are despicable.

The Prophet sallallaahu ‘alaihi wa sallam advocated this in his word, “Hang the whip (battering) in a place visible to the inhabitants of the house because it is an education for them.” (HR Abdur Razzaq)

3. Provide good examples as parents

When we expect your child to grow up and become a child with good behavior, then correct our attitude first and be a good example for them. The child will not understand the good and bad behavior if we only say something verbally, so it needs to be accompanied by practice and reality. In addition, children will generally imitate what they have witnessed. If our actions and behavior are not in accordance with prevailing norms then do not be surprised if our child can be very naughty and difficult to manage.

4. Invite the child to pray

We must invite the child to pray early on so he has a good faith and iman because it is our responsibility as parents to guide him to Allah. When he is disobedient, he can be conscious of his bad behavior because he prays the obligation prayer in the mosque or at home. By doing prayer, Allah will help him deal with his behavior.

And those who believed and followed them their offspring in faith, We will join with them their offspring and not We will deprive them of their deeds (in) anything. Every person for what he earned (is) pledged. (At-Tur 52:21)

And enjoin (on) your family the prayer and be steadfast therein. Not We ask you (for) provision; We provide (for) you, and the outcome (is) for the righteous[ness]. (Ta Ha 20:132)

5. Make a rule

It is good for the family if there is a rule that ties and arranges the family for doing something. We can make a rule such as giving a present for the good attitude and punishment for the bad attitude. With this rule, of course, the child will try to have a good attitude so he can get a present. Moreover, the child is always happy when he gets a present that he likes and will treasure it. By adding a punishment, the child will try to avoid doing something bad because he doesn’t want to get it.

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6. Warn him with good words

We can warn the disobedient child with good words and we must be patient in facing him. With doing this, the child will not resentful and realize his wrongdoings. This is also to show that we can educate the disobedient child gently without speaking harshly that may hurt him.

So because (of) Mercy from Allah, you dealt gently with them. And if you had been rude (and) harsh (at) [the] heart, surely they (would have) dispersed from around you. Then pardon [from] them and ask forgiveness for them and consult them on the matter. Then when you have decided, then put trust on Allah. Indeed, Allah loves the ones who put trust (in Him). (Al-Imran 3:159)

7. Praise when the child does something good

The child is disobedient because of the lack of care from us and he seeks the attention from us. So, we need to praise and record him when he does something good. In addition, we should never bring up and record him when he does something bad so he is not hurt because this can lead to the bad behavior and becomes his character.

“If you see your son doing good, then praise and record, if your son does bad, rebuke and never record it.” (Umar bin Khattab)

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8. Pay attention to the child’s surroundings

We need to pay attention to friends of the child or his surroundings before blaming him because the bad influence could be from his friend that will affect the behavior and morals of the child. The childhood is a period which makes him easily imitate or follow the behavior of someone that is near to him. So, as his parents, we need to see and arrange his society at school or home when he is always disobedient.

“Someone depends on his friend’s religion. Then he should see with whom he befriends. “ (HR Abu Dawud)

9. Listen to his problem

The disobedient child may have a problem at his school or home that makes him have this behavior and want someone to understand him. It is appropriate for us as parents to listen to his problems because if he covers it and doesn’t want to tell it, the problem will become bigger and it will make the child becomes more disobedient to us.

“Whoever releases one of the difficulties of a Muslim, surely Allah will release him a difficulty on the Day of Judgment. Whoever makes easy the affairs of others, surely Allah will facilitate him in the world and the Hereafter.” (HR Muslim)

10. Educate him on the Prophet’s ways

Prophet Muhammad has already said many things how to educate and raise a good child in hadith and Qur’an. Prophet never educates his child with rude words and acts because He is known as a gentle and patient man in the past. So, as Muslim, it has already been our obligation to follow the Prophet’s ways to educate the disobedient child.

“O Messenger of Allah, how can I help my son so that he can worship me?” The Prophet answered, “Accepting his effort even if small, forgiving his mistake, neither burdening him with a heavy burden nor even scolding him with abusive words that can hurt his heart.” (HR Abu Daud)

11. Provide educational entertainment

As a parent, we must provide our child with educational entertainment such as watching non-violence channel in TV so he can learn something good from TV and not imitate something bad that can make him more disobedient. Entertainment is good for the child because he can relax and enjoy something so we should always provide it with sufficient amount.

And (do) not pursue what not you have of it any knowledge. Indeed, the hearing, and the sight, and the heart all those will be [about it] questioned. (Al-Isra 17:36)

12. Do not give a “naughty” predicate to disobedient child

As we often find it difficult to manage and often fussy to the disobedient child when giving advice and understanding, then do not rush to give them the predicate of ‘bad boy’, ‘naughty’ and so on. These predicates can make them feel not confident with their environment and may become a mock from his friends and surroundings.

In addition, the predicate we have given to the child will make him just like being given a label that continues to stick in him that makes him feel in vain when they become good kids and it makes difficult for him to change.