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15 Importance of Behaving with Older People

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Behaving with older people is an attitude or one way to give judgment, respect, and determination or view that is also important in the source of Islamic Shari’a. A civilized attitude with older people must also be possessed by every human being so that harmony between people can be created. Consequently, mutual respect can be achieved with older people. Being civilized with older people can also mean respecting existence and dignity.


In Islam, parents are very important people whose position is that there is still an obligation of parents to marry their children. In fact, the Prophet Muhammad mentioned mothers three times followed by father as the main people we must respect. Here are 15 importance of behaving with older people.

1. Sign of A Believer

There are so many verses in the Qur’an as the basis of the Islamic law that all believers and pious people must be civilized with their parents. In addition to ordering Muslims to always be obedient to worshiping Allah, the Qur’an also affirms its people to carry out their obligations to be filial and civilized to their parents.

2. To repay services

As a child who has a child’s position in Islamic law, it may be impossible to pay or repay our parents’ services. So, being a filial and civilized child to parents can be one way for us to try to repay their services.

3. It is God’s Command

As written in the letter Al Isra’ in one of the verses about the filing of filial piety to parents,

“And your Lord has commanded that you do not worship besides Him and should do a good deed to your father. If one of them or both of them reach old age in your care, and never say to both of them the words ‘ah’ and do not yell at them and say only good words. And humble yourself towards both of them with full love and say, “O my Lord! Love both of them as both of them have had educated me as a child.” (Surah Al Isra’ 17: 23 – 24)

From the verse above, we know that civilization to parents is one of our obligations as Muslims. Civilized with parents can mean that whatever we do is in the blessing of parents. We recommend that in every activity that we will do, we ask for the blessing of our parents. As mentioned in the hadith, “Ridha Allah lies in the pleasure of parents and the wrath of God lies in the wrath of the parents.” (HR Baihaqi)

4. Practice That is Loved by God

In one of the traditions of the Prophet Muhammad SAW, I asked the Prophet, “What practice is most loved by Allah SWT? He replied, “Prayers in time.” I said, “What then?” He replied, “Devote to parents.” I said, “Then what?” He replied, “Then jihad in the way of Allah.” (Bukhari)

Unfortunately, many of us underestimate parents. We are too focused on pursuing our aspirations and busy with our own personal affairs so we forget our obligation to be civilized to our parents. Therefore, it would be nice if we start learning to change ourselves and be more civilized to parents.

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5. Making Love

A child must keep his views calm and obedient to parents. Parents are the most important people in our lives, so we must look at them with love and respect.

As stated in the hadith of Al Musawwir bin Makhramah, “If the companions speak with the Messenger of Allah, they lower their voices and they do not look sharply as a form of glorification of the Prophet.” (Narrated by Al Bukhari 2731) So, from these arguments, we can know that not looking sharply is a form of glorification or respect which we will also be very worthy of giving to our parents too.

6. Giving Peace of Mind

As mentioned in Surah al-Isra’ verses 23 and 24 above, we are told to say good words to parents and are prohibited from yelling at them. In fact, a little ‘ah’ to parents will hurt their hearts. So, we should not let a few bad words come out of our mouth when talking to parents. Use gentle and polite words that will reassure them.


7. Giving Patience

As children, we often forget this. Ego and emotions that tend to be excessive in us as young people often beat our minds and our love for parents. This makes us often make mistakes to argue and yell at parents. So, as much as possible we take care of our emotions and always be patient so we can take care of our words and sayings when talking to parents.

Further reading:

8. Pleasure

Based on the hadith of Abdullah ibn Umar, from Abdullah bin ‘Amrin bin Ash r.a., he said, the Prophet SAW said: “The blessing of Allah lies in the blessing of the parents and the wrath of God lies in the wrath of the parents.” (Narrated by st-Tirmidzi, this hadith is considered authentic by Ibn Hibban and Al-Hakim)

From the hadith above, we must ask the parents for permission before doing any business. We should ask permission and ask for blessings for every need and decision we will make. In addition to the prayers of parents, it is very necessary to be blessed by Allah, by getting the blessing of our parents; our hearts will be more calm and peaceful. Thus, the business that we do can be easier and more smoothly.

9. Primary Thing

We better do not put ourselves first before parents if it deals with the world. For example, to just eat, drink, or otherworldly things would be better if we put our parents first.

We can take this from the hadith in Shahihain regarding the story told by the Prophet Muhammad concerning three people who were trapped in a cave covered with large rocks. Then, they competed with God with the deeds they had done.

One of the three people said,

“Oh God, I actually have old people who are old, and I also have wives and daughters that I feed them from herding cattle. When I finished herding, I gave milk to them. I always put my parents first before my family. Then one day when the harvest I had to go far and I did not go home unless it was very late and I found my parents had gone to bed.

Then I give them milk as usual, and then I bring them the milk-filled vessel. I stood by their side but I was reluctant to wake them up. And I was reluctant to give milk to my daughter before my parents even though my child was struggling on my feet because of starvation.

And so it continues until dawn rises. O Allah, if you know that I am doing that for the sake of you, then open a gap for us that we can see the sky from there.” So, Allah opened a gap that made them see the sky from him.

10. Focused Life

Our parents must have more experience than us. In addition, we all must be sure that parents definitely want the best for ourselves. So, there is nothing wrong if we follow the wishes and suggestions of our parents as long as this does not conflict with religious teachings. Following the wishes and suggestions of parents will make parents feel valued and respected by us. In addition, we can be more directed and confident that what we live is the best.

11. Maintain A Good Name

Maintaining the good name of parents is one way to show that we are civilized. So, we should always do a good deed to anyone around us. This will certainly help to preserve the good name of parents and keep them away from the slander of the world.

12. As A View of Life

Behaving with parents is one of the views of human life, especially for the people of Indonesia. In Indonesia, being civilized in older people becomes a habit (manners) in everyday life carried out by all people, both men and women. This habit is a good habit because young people should be civilized to older people.

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13. Provide A Comfortable and Happy Life

Being civilized with older people will give a good impression for older people and younger people. And, there will be a harmonious relationship between the two parties so that they can feel comfortable and happy.

14. Nearing the Door of Heaven

If you want to open the gates of heaven, respect your parents. Conversely, if you want to open the gates of hell, then the lawlessness of the parents is the fastest vehicle to go to that blasted place.

In fact, the torture was hastened without having to wait for the end. The Prophet said, “All sins will be suspended by God until the Day of Judgment except for lawlessness to the parents. So, indeed Allah will hasten to the culprit in the world before dying.” (HR Judge)

15. Teachings of Character

The earliest teachings of character are lessons for being polite and respecting older people. The Prophet said, “It is not my followers if they are disrespectful to the old and dear to the small.”

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