As Muslims, we have an obligation to marry according to the sunnah of the Apostle. But, the number of women are more than men, sometimes it becomes a problematic. Many women who are single or widowed want to get married but they do not dare to offer themselves because they fear to be considered a slut.
In Indonesia, commonly marriage is begun with a man who propose a woman. The concept is a man who chooses and a woman who decides. That offer can be accepted or not. If it rejected, the man may propose another woman. Whoever he wants, except the married, the woman who is still in the iddah period, the woman who tied nasab with certain provisions and also avoid the women who should be not married.
One thing to ask, what if a woman offers herself to be married by a man? Is it allowed in Islam? If so, what are the conditions? Here is the full review.
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Dalil that explain about a man propose a woman
In general, there are many dalil that explained about the procession of proposing or khitbah is done by men. So, a man come to the house of woman to propose. Asking the official permission of her guardian to allow him to marry the woman.
It is explained in the verse of Quran :
“There is no blame upon you for that to which you [indirectly] allude concerning a proposal to women or for what you conceal within yourselves.” (Q.S. Al-Baqarah : 235)
The verse above explains that a woman who is still in iddah period may be khitbah but it is only through a satire. This verse explains clearly that man is the one who proposes and the woman who receives.
See also : Islamic rules for second marriage.
Besides that, there are many hadith that imply about the condition of a man request to marry a woman. One of them is :
The Messenger of Allah saw said :
“The girl should be not married until she is asked for a permission, and a widow should be not married until she is asked for her approval. There is asked; “O Messenger of Allah, how is her permit? The Prophet replied : the sign is silent.” (Narrated by Bukhari)
From Aisyah radhiyallahu ‘anha, he has informed her that
“The marriage in Jahiliyyah was based on four kinds, between those marriage is a man proposed a woman’s guardian to him, then gave him a dowry, then that man married her.” (Narrated by Abu Daud)
“If someone come to propose (your daughter and relatives), while you rida with religion and akhlaq, then marry her. If you did not do it, there will be a slander on earth and destruction.” The companion asked : “Although he was not rich.” He said : “If someone come to propose (your daughter), you rida with religion and akhlaq, then marry her.” He said it three times. (Narrated by Tirmidzi) [AdSense-B]
The Prophet Muhammad shallallahu’alaihi wasallam said :
“If one of you propose a woman, then if he can see from that woman what can call him to marry her, then let him do it. Jabir said : I proposed a woman then I hid against her until I saw from her what was pushing me to marry her, then I married her.” (Narrated by Ahmad and Abu Dawud)
Fatimah bint Qais said “So when I have been proposed by Abdur Rahman bin Auf was delivered by a group of the Prophet Muhammad saw companions.” (Narrated by Muslim)
From Bakr bin Abdullah al-Muzani said that Mughirahbin Syu’ban said,
“I came to the Prophet Muhammad saw, then I mentioned a woman who I will propose. He said, Go and see her, then indeed that thing is more suitable to perpetuate (love) between you two.” (Narrated by Ahmad and Ibn Majah)
It is told from Urwah r.a, The Prophet Muhammad saw come to propose Aisya to Abu Bakar, then Abu Bakar r.a. said :
“Indeed I am your brother. The Prophet said, ‘You are my brother in Allah’s religion and His Book and she is halal for me.” (Narrated by Bukhari)
From Abu Humaid, he said that he had seen the Messenger of Allah saw said :
If one of you proposed a woman, then it is no problem for him to see that woman. If he saw her only in order to propose her although that woman does not know.” (Narrated by Ahmad)
The Islamic view about women ask to be married
From dalil above, we can get a conclusion that since the time of the Prophet saw, commonly a man who proposes women first. However, there are no haidth that forbid women to propose first or ask to be married.
Well, here are some stories of women who ask to be married by men :
- The story of Khadijah r.a who ask to be married by the Prophet Muhammad saw
As Muslims, of course we are familiar with the story of Khadijah radhiyallahu ‘anha who asked to be married by Rasul shallallahu ‘alaihi wasallam.
[AdSense-A] Khadijah is a rich merchant who has a beautiful face. While the Prophet Muhammad saw is a business partner of Khadijah.
The Prophet SAW often brought the merchandise of Khadijah to the Land of Sham porch that was accompanied by Maisaroh, the slave of Khadijah r.a.
From there, Maisaroh told to Khadijah that the Prophet Muhammad saw is a good and polite man. Khadijah was starting to interest.
Then one night, Khadijah dreamed of seeing the sun that go round and round above Mecca until it entered her home. That dream was told to her cousin, Waraqah bin Naufal. Then he said that there would be a noble man who was destined to marry Khadijah.
Responding to that condition, Khadijah asked for help Nafisah bint Munabih to rely her feelings to Prophet Muhammad saw. Nafisah met the Prophet, he said very smartly, so she was not degrading Khadijah. Finally, the Prophet agreed.
He was accompanied by his uncle, Abu Talib, he came to Khadijah’s house to marry and asked approval from Khadijah’s family. That decision was agreed by both parties and finally they were arranged as a couple.
- The History of a man who found a mate for his sister
From Ummu Habibah bint Abu Sufyan said :
“O Messenger of Allah, marry with my sister, daughter of Abu Sufyan. He said : Do you like that? I (Ummu Habibah) replied : I am no stranger for you and you are the most person who I want to be with me in my sister’s goodness.” (Narrated by Bukhari)
- The history of Umar bin khattab who found a mate for his daughter
It was told by Umar bin Khattab r.a. :
“I came to Utsman bin Affan then I offered Hafshah to him”, then he (Utsman) met me and said : “After I consider it, now I have not been willing to marry” then I (Umar) met Abu Bakar r.a and said :
“If you wanted, I want to marry you with Hafshah” Then Abu Bakar just kept quiet without answering a bit. So I (Umar) stayed for several nights, then Rasulullah saw came to marry her, then I married her (Hafshah with him.” (Narrated by Bukhari)
Umar bin Khattab r.a. had been disappointed with the residential of Abu Bakar r.a. But after The Prophet Muhammad saw came to marry Hafshah, Abu Bakar told him that he was silent at that time because the Prophet had first mentioned the name Hafshah.
- The History of A woman who offered herself to be married by Rasulullah SAW
From Anas r.a., he told :
There was a woman who came to offer herself to Rasulullah saw and said “O Messenger of Allah, Do you need me?” Anas’s daughter who was present and listened the word of that woman then denounced, ‘what a bit shy, shameful, embarrassing indeed.’ Then Anas said to his daughter, ‘She is better than you, she was happy to Rasulullah saw then she offered herself for him!” (Narrated by Bukhari)
From some hadith above, it can be concluded that the law of woman proposed to marry in Islam is allowed. As long as it is within the limits of the religious corridor.
In the sense of not dropping her pride. It will be better if you did not ask directly, but you can ask to help to your family, friends or Islam Theologian. So it will be not a slander.
Thus the explanation about the law of woman proposed to marry in Islam. Hopefully it will be useful for you all. Amen.
See also :
- The purpose of marriage in islam
- Importance of marriage in Islam
- Things to know about marriage in Islam