5 Laws of Abandoning Abusive Parents – Is it Permitted in Islam?

Commonly people believe about pure love is only comes from parents to children. They love their children no matter what with the unconditional love they gave.

Children are the ones that parents awaited for and sometimes they got high expectations for their children. Unfortunately, they become so hard for their children as they have the rights of parents in Islam.

The wrong concept of parents that want their child to become they want to be is always happening. Mostly, they want their children to fulfill their dream without asking their children. Abandoning the truth feeling from parents to children makes children abandoning them while they grow up.

What do Abusive Parents Mean?

Abusive parents can describe with the parent’s acts that cause any harm to their children. For example, they ignore their children’s feelings for needs and comforting, speak or treat badly to children, or the worst case is sexual abuse.

Children will feel physically and mentally abused by their parents from bad treatments they received. Islam taught us to respect our parents and it already writes on the Quran surah Al Isra verse 23.

 وَقَضٰى رَبُّكَ اَلَّا تَعْبُدُوْٓا اِلَّآ اِيَّاهُ وَبِالْوَالِدَيْنِ اِحْسٰنًاۗ اِمَّا يَبْلُغَنَّ عِنْدَكَ الْكِبَرَ اَحَدُهُمَآ اَوْ كِلٰهُمَا فَلَا تَقُلْ لَّهُمَآ اُفٍّ وَّلَا تَنْهَرْهُمَا وَقُلْ لَّهُمَا قَوْلًا كَرِيْمًا – ٢٣

“And your Lord has commanded that you do not worship other than Him and do good deeds to the mother and father. If one of the two or both is to old age in your care, then do not say to the words “ah” and do not shout at them, and say to both good words.”

What if the parents make harm their children? And what Islam says about this when are they abandoning their abusive parents? And how to deal with abusive father in Islam? In Islam, we have 5 laws about abandoning abusive parents based on the Quran. Let’s check them out!

1.Abandoned Your Parents if They Against Islam

Islam allows us to abandoned our parents with a certain condition such as if they turn us away from Islam. If they arguing you or have any doubt with your faith in Allah you better leave them. The best way is treating them as a stranger. It writes on the Quran surah At Taubah verse 23.

يٰٓاَيُّهَا الَّذِيْنَ اٰمَنُوْا لَا تَتَّخِذُوْٓا اٰبَاۤءَكُمْ وَاِخْوَانَكُمْ اَوْلِيَاۤءَ اِنِ اسْتَحَبُّوا الْكُفْرَ عَلَى الْاِيْمَانِۗ وَمَنْ يَّتَوَلَّهُمْ مِّنْكُمْ فَاُولٰۤىِٕكَ هُمُ الظّٰلِمُوْنَ – ٢٣

“O, believers! Do not make your fathers and brothers yourselves as protectors, if they prefer disbelief over faith. Who among you makes them protectors, so they are the wrongdoers.”

2. Be Brave and Stand Up

Even if we have abusive parents we have should deal with them in a good way. If they become violent people so we should not revenge as becomes a violent person too. It is important to educate yourself to face this situation.

Nowadays, there is a lot of books nor online or offline that taught us about how to deal with abusive parents in Islam. But, if they insist to abuse you, the better way is looking for help.

Be brave to talk to your another member of the family, friend, or an expert such as a counselor. It is important to seek people who support you and pray to Allah. May Allah gave mercy to them.

In the Quran surah, An Nisa verse 135 mention that we should stand up even if against your parents.

يٰٓاَيُّهَا الَّذِيْنَ اٰمَنُوْا كُوْنُوْا قَوَّامِيْنَ بِالْقِسْطِ شُهَدَاۤءَ لِلّٰهِ وَلَوْ عَلٰٓى اَنْفُسِكُمْ اَوِ الْوَالِدَيْنِ وَالْاَقْرَبِيْنَ ۚ

“O, believers! Be your upholder of justice, be a witness for God, even against yourself or against your mother and father and your relatives …”

3. Pray for Them

Any bad treatment will make us a stronger person and deal with the patient. May Allah testing you about your parents and it becomes a great reward if you keep patient. But, the patient does not mean if we do nothing.

Pray for them may good to you as you become closer to Allah. Besides stand up against them, try to communicate with them why they do some bad treatment to you. Pray for them as the way how to deal with controlling parents in Islam.

4. Become Violent Person is Forbidden

If you get abuse from your parents you should revenge them in a bad way. Become a violent person is forbidden by Allah so we should try to seek. Not only for you but also for your parents. It needs to do because we need another point of view about your parent’s parenting type.

In the Quran surah, An Nahl verse 90 mentions about this.

اِنَّ اللّٰهَ يَأْمُرُ بِالْعَدْلِ وَالْاِحْسَانِ وَاِيْتَاۤئِ ذِى الْقُرْبٰى وَيَنْهٰى عَنِ الْفَحْشَاۤءِ وَالْمُنْكَرِ وَالْبَغْيِ يَعِظُكُمْ لَعَلَّكُمْ تَذَكَّرُوْنَ – ٩٠

“Verily, Allah commands (you) to act justly and do good, give help to relatives, and He forbids (commits) cruel, guilty, and hostile acts. He teaches you so you can take lessons.”

5. Unforgive Your Parents is Forbidden

Living with abusive parents such kind of have a toxic relationship. We don’t want the toxic influence us to be an abusive person too. That is why so many people choose to live their parents alone.

But, it does not mean that you do not forgive your parents. Indeed Allah loves their who forgive another. Forgive them as a way of how to be happy in Islam. If you are married it has to be a way how to live a happy married life.

In the Quran surah, Ali Imran verse 134 mentions about this.

الَّذِيْنَ يُنْفِقُوْنَ فِى السَّرَّۤاءِ وَالضَّرَّۤاءِ وَالْكَاظِمِيْنَ الْغَيْظَ وَالْعَافِيْنَ عَنِ النَّاسِۗ وَاللّٰهُ يُحِبُّ الْمُحْسِنِيْنَۚ – ١٣٤

“(ie) people who act, both in the field of time and narrow, and those who hold back their anger and forgive (mistakes) others. And Allah loves those who do good,”

So, these are 5 laws about abandoning abusive parents in everyday life. Depending on how hard your parents act to you, it is important to always pray for them in a good way. May Allah forgive them and give His blessing upon them.