Humans are created to be pair each other, and most people who had found their pair are going to marriage to reach the three condition of happy family : sakinah (peaceful), mawaddah (loving and hopeful), and warahmah (affectionate).
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1) Intend the Marriage to Allah
When we start anything what we do, do it with said Allah’s name, or focus to get Allah’s blessing. And so is the marriage. Married, or marriage has been ruled in Islam. In Surah An-Nuur verse 32 narrated :
“And marry those among you who are single and those who are fit among your male slaves and your female slaves; if they are need, Allah will make them free from want out of His grace; and Allah is Ample-giving and knowing.”
If we learn the verse deeper, we found that it start with the words Wa Ankehoo
( And marry…). This imperative words implied that married is either obligatory of highly recommended, especially if there is a chance to falling into sin.
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2) Understand Each Other
Marriage is uniting two different type of people. We will never avoid the conflict or problem inside of our marriage; the one and only way is face and solve it. If we found that our spouse is in bad condition such as angry, anxious, sad, or anything that affect anything, we should understand about the condition. After a moment that our spouse can be talk, we can ask the things that bothered our spouse. The most important is we invite our spouse worship or pray to Allah swt, because Allah is the one who gives a solutions.
See also : Surah for Success in Life
3) Knowing the Rights and Obligations Each Other
When we start our life in marriage, we should know about our right and obligations. We must remind our spouse if they were not doing their rights and obligation. If we do the opposite, we must accept the critic or suggestion. The point is we must remind each other, to reach a sakinah condition.
See also :Divorce Law in Islam
4) Be Communicative
Before married, we always do anything by ourselves; we don’t need to tell somebody for anything what we do, unless to our family, either we live with or without them. But in the marriage, which is we are not living alone, we should have to communicated with our spouse (for example, if we going home late, we should have to tell our wife/husband just to make them sure that we are just fine).
Beside that, communication is important to keep our household in harmony. In some case of divorce, the main problem is miscommunication between two people who married each other. That is why we need to just talk to our spouse, as a form of communication, for strengthen the relationship.
See also : Character of Prophet Muhammad
5) Be Honest
One of the most important things in marriage is honesty. Being honest with our spouses makes the household ties closer and stronger; our spouse also trusts us more in everyday life. Otherwise, if we lie to our spouse, even though it’s a ‘little white lie’, it can ruin our relationships and lead to divorce. As a Muslim, we know that Allah hates divorce even though it is lawful.
6) Learn to Forgive Each Other
From Anas bin Malik r.a narrated that Rasulullah saw.:
“Every human being has made a mistake, and the best offender is the one who immediately turns to Allah SWT”
This hadith, which is narrated by many narrator such as At-Tirmidzi (2499), Ibnu Majah (4251), Ad-Darimi (2730), and many narrator explain that we, as a human being, made a mistake, even if it is just a little piece of cake, and so is our spouse. When we found that our wife/husband made a mistake, just forgive it and remind them not to made a mistake twice. When we made mistake, do not need to be shy to admitted it and demand apologize to our spouse with a commitment that we will never made the same mistake.
7) Face it, Not Avoid
As a person, we are never been free from the problem. When we found that there is something wrong in a marriage life, the only thing must to do is face it, and fix it. When we found the source of the problem, together with our spouse, discuss it and find the way out together.
8) Pray Together
Another things that make a bond between us more tighter is pray together. An easiest example is praying Shubuh or Maghrib which is after a daily life we going back home and meet our spouse, we can do that. After Shalat followed by reading Qur’an together. The benefit from this is not only tighten the relationship, but also adding the good deeds.
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9) Understand and Covering Weakness
As a human being, we all have at least one weakness, which is easily can be covered or sometimes it could be shown accidentally. If we know that our spouse have some or more flaws, we must understand and covering it. In some case, we can help them to fixed their weakness, as long as it can be fixed. This is a foundation of marriage : completing each other by covering and help to correct some flaws.
10) Spend Time Together
When we are in a free time (for example, after working hours or in weekend), we can spend the time together with our spouse. We can do anything that we want such as cleaning the house, cooking, or vacation. The main point of this activity is to make bond between us tighter and also relaxing our mind, body, and soul.
See also : Meditation in Islam
11) Giving a Surprise
To make our marriage is not boring, sometimes we must giving our spouse a little bit surprise. Not only in his/her birthday, or the date that we binding the promise to be faithful each other. We can make a surprise anywhere and anytime, to make our spouse happy and also, tighten the binding between us.
12) Said ‘I Love You’
Marriage and love are connected each other. We can said that we love our wife/husband so bad or something like that, but the ultimate love is for Allah swt. Nevertheless, expressing love for our spouse is natural and humanly. Only said ‘I Love You’ to our spouse is another way to make sure that we love her/him, in our speech and our deeds.
13) Giving a Praise or Compliment
Another things that we can do to strengthen the binding of marriage is giving a praise to our wife/husband. We can praise or appreciate anything that they had do or achieve, as a form of support for what they did. In case that they not achieve what they do, sometimes we have to give some critic, in a very good way and very constructive, to encourage our spouse to be better.
14) Respect and Tolerance
In marriage life, we must emerge the sense of respect and tolerance. For example, when we found that our wife is so busy to prepare the meal for us, we can help her to clean the house (in case the other room is pretty mess), or baby-sit the children. The goal of this act is not only help to share the burden in our spouse, but also understand the house chores, which is lots of things to do. For woman, when our husband came home with super tired condition, we can do something, whether is make a cup of tea or coffee, or rub the shoulder. All of those things that we do can emerge the respect and tolerance each other, and the relationship more closer.
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15) Be Patience
Patience, or Sabr, is one of the most important things in human life. We often heard that people sometimes can be impatient for anything, especially in marriage. When we are facing the test in our marriage life, the one thing that we can do is patience, and pray to Allah. We must be assured that any test is come from Allah, and He never test his ummah exceeds our ability. In Surah Az-Zumar verse 10 said that :
“O my servants who have believed, fear your Lord. For those who do good in this world is good, and the earth of Allah is spacious. Indeed, the patient will be given their reward without account.”
Insha Allah, with patience we will be more tawadhu and more obedient to Allah swt.
16) Be Thankful for Anything that Allah Has Given
Sometimes, we are envy for everything that other people had such as, a beautiful wife or husband, a wealth that they had (for example, brand new car, big house, etc). All those things can make a disharmony in marriage life because we never know or realize that Allah has gave us so much and the best for us. If we blessed with that, Insha Allah we will find a happiness in life.
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17) Be Polite and Wise
The polite and wise attitude of all family members in interacting married life is necessary because it will create a comfortable and beautiful atmosphere. This atmosphere makes residents really feel at home. As the phrase that “My House is My Paradise” or “Baiti Jannati,” does not mean complete facilities and spacious homes but there is an interactive atmosphere between families; husband and wife and children are full of politeness and wisdom. This creates an atmosphere of intimacy, peace, and love between families.
18) Strengthen our Relationship to Allah
If we want a harmonious home, our relationship with God must be strengthened, because then it will produce perseverance, as in the word of God directed by Ar-Ra’d verse 28 :
“Those who have believed and whose hearts are assured by the remembrance of Allah. Unquestionably, by the remembrance of Allah hearts are assured”
Prophet Muhammad saw. always prayed for the earnest heart:
“Yaa muqollibal qulub tsabbit qolbiy ‘alaa in the meantime wa’ala thooatika “
(O you who refuse the heart, strengthen my heart to remain consistent in Your deeds and in Your obedience).
See also : Best Dua of Prophet Muhammad
19) Avoiding All of the Temptation
In real life, we are facing many test and often, temptation. Either it is physical or not, such as we met someone who has good looking more than our spouse, or solicitation for bad deeds. This is need a strength, consistency, and focus of our heart that we are married and Allah must be seen what we do. To avoid all that, we should keep ourselves in Allah path and assured that everything what we do is observance.
See also : Types of Salat Prayer
20) Adding Islam Norms and Value
And last but not least, in our marriage, it is should be based on norms and value in Islam. In that way, we can know what is good and bad, so the things that are not desirable, or even worse, can plunge us into a sin that could be huge, can be avoided.
And there is 20 tips and trick for living in marriage happily, which is based on Qur’an, Hadith, norms and value of Islam; can brought us to blessing and salvation in the world and Hereafter.