As a child, there are times when we disagreeing our parents. We usually think that our parents, because they are old, are unable to understand our free and young heart. We always think that they take a control to us too much, telling us to do this and that regardless of our age. But parents are the representative of Allah in the world, that their rage is Allah’s rage and their blessing is Allah’s blessing.
No matter how hard our parents on us, we have to respect them and cherish them. As Allah said inside the Holy Quran,
“The Lord has decreed that you worship none save Him alone, and behave beneficently towards parents. If either or both of them should attain old age while you are alive, say not `ugh’ to them, nor chide them, and speak kindly to them. Lower to them the wing of humility out of tenderness and pray: Lord have mercy upon them as they brought me up when I was little.” (Al Isra:25)
To soothe your heart upon the control of your parents, here are the smartest ways on how to deal with controlling parents in Islam:
1. Keep Showing Respect
Due to age different and different era of living, our parents and us have different view over several matters. What we want is different with what they want and it can cause a rift. Even though you have a heated argument with them, keep showing respect to them as you should be.
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2. Behave Nicely in front of Them
It’s an obligation to behave nicely to your parents. Behaving nicely including talking in a sweet tone to them, complying their orders and etc. Because or parents have different thoughts than us, doesn’t mean we should resent them and vent it out to them.
3. Inviting Them to Do Good Deeds
Show your parents your maturity by keeping a good behavior toward them. Keep inviting them to do good deeds, performing prayers in the mosque, and many other good deeds. Who knows it slowly melted our parents heart and they can compromise with our will.
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4. Never Shout at Them
Allah hates it when we hurt our parents’ heart. Even when our parents don’t feel hurt, Allah raged out. There are many things that cause our parents’ heart to ache, one of them is when we shout at them. In the middle of argument we can’t contain the anger and lose control. Learn to hold everything in and don’t shout to your parents no matter what.
5. Talk Calmly About What We Want
Your parents will not appreciate it if you shout at them. They won’t listen at you and in the end you won’t get what you wanted. Therefore, take a deep breath and talk slowly and calmly about what you actually want. Don’t forget to give them good reasons. They may change their mind direction and ended up giving what you want.
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6. Not Rebellious Toward Them
Nobody want to be under hard control of parents. What they want is usually in contrast with yours. Some children are obedient enough after their parents said no, but other children have this rebellious side that they don’t let anything stand on their way. This rebellious act wakes the rage of Allah SWT, and it will be better for us to stay away from that.
7. Pray for Their Mind to be Opened by Allah SWT
Parents’ heart could be as hard as rock walls and cannot be pierced. All you could do is to ask the Almighty Allah SWT to change their heart. Pray sincerely to Allah, as long as you sure that what you wished for is a good thing and not something that Allah SWT would disapproved. Under Allah’s will and permission, slowly our parents’ heart will soften.
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8. Keep in Heart That They Know What’s Best
What you want is not always what you need. You stubbornly want something that you don’t know it will be bad for you. Your parents has live longer than you, and they know about life better. When they disagree upon something, just take it that they know what’s best for you and they only want the best for you.
9. Remember Their Sacrifice for Us
To raise up until you are what you are now, you never know how much they has sacrificed. When you were little they sacrifice their sleeping time because you are crying, even before you were born, your mother even have a hard time to carry you for nine months. While you haven’t done anything for them, remember just how much they have to you.
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10. Not Foretold Them to Other Person
Even when that other person is your own best friends, you should not foretold them. Don’t talk bad or thinking that they are not good because your parents are controlling you. If you tell the other person, they may add up negative things that make you think bad about your parents more.
11. Show a Pleasing Behavior
Don’t show bad behavior to your parents. Keep smiling and be happy in front of them. Show them that have matured and steal their heart with that.
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12. Tell Them You Trust Them
Your parents will hear you if you are a little bit soft. Tell them that you trust their decision and as a child you want to obey them.
13. Never Disobey Them
This is the point. Don’t hold any grudges and make an incident as a reason for you to disobey them. It’s a disgraceful that Allah SWT would never approve of.
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14. Discuss Our Choice with Them
Rather than a heated argument, ask your parents to sit down and talk discuss calmly over matters. This way, what you want and what your parents want will meet at a point.
15. Never Think We are Right
Don’t let anything make you think that you are right and know better than your parents. It will lead you to an arrogance behavior and you end up thinking highly of yourself.
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So those are the ways on how to deal with controlling parents in Islam. No matter how hard our parents over us, we have to believe that they want the best to us. They control us for a reason, because they don’t want us to fell into the trap of Shaytaan and living a miserable life. Let’s all love our parents, because they’re the only one who would stand by our side in any situation might happen.