The Law of Parents Who Hurt Their Children’s Hearts in Islam and Its Verses

Heaven lies under the feet of mothers. That proverb is not only a proverb, however it is the form of order in respecting and loving parents. In Islam, a child must respect both parents.

Allah said,

وَقَضَىٰ رَبُّكَ أَلَّا تَعْبُدُوا إِلَّا إِيَّاهُ وَبِالْوَالِدَيْنِ إِحْسَانًا ۚ إِمَّا يَبْلُغَنَّ عِنْدَكَ الْكِبَرَ أَحَدُهُمَا أَوْ كِلَاهُمَا فَلَا تَقُلْ لَهُمَا أُفٍّ وَلَا تَنْهَرْهُمَا وَقُلْ لَهُمَا قَوْلًا كَرِيمًا

“And your Rabb has ordered human to not worship other than only to Him and they should be kind to both parents as well as possible. And if one of them or both of them are old by your side then do not say ‘ah’ to both of them and do not shout at them.” [Al-Isra: 23]

That verse shows that a child is forbidden to do disobey deeds to both parents. However, how about parents who do disobey deeds to their children? How does the Islamic law view this thing?

The story of disobedient children in Islam may be familiar, however, actually, the parents who are disobedient to the children are also increasingly heard. Starting from the incident of parents who throw away their children, parents who hit their children, even until rape their children. Naudzubillamindzalik.

• Parents Are Obligated to be Kind to the Children

In Islam, it is not only the children who are obligated to be kind to the parents, but the parents are also obligated to be kind to the children.

Allah Subhanahu wa Ta’ala siad,

يَا أَيُّهَا الَّذِينَ آمَنُوا قُوا أَنْفُسَكُمْ وَأَهْلِيكُمْ نَارًا

“O believers, protect yourself and your family from the fire of hell…” [At-Tahrim: 6]

That verse obviously shows the order of Allah to take care of children so that they are avoided from evil and badness. Then parents have an obligation to love the children lovingly.

There is a narration that tells about someone who is disobedient to his child.

A man met Umar bin Khathab to complain about his child’s disobedience. Umar called that child and scolded his deed. After that, that child asked, “O Amirul Mu’minin, don’t the children have the rights towards their parents?”

Umar answered, “Right.”

“What are the rights of children?” asked the child. Umar answered, “Choosing the candidate of a good mother for them, giving them good names, and teaching them the Qur’an.”

That child said, “O Amirul Mu’minin, my father did not do any of what you mentioned. My mother was a black woman who was a former slave of Majusi religion. He named me Ju’lan (mouse or rat), and he did not teach me any letter from the Qur’an.”

Umar immediately looked at the parents, “You came to complain about your child’s disobedience, but you were disobedient to him before he was disobedient to you. You have acted bad to him before he was bad to you.”

• The Prophet Had Shown Us to Love Children

Even the Prophet saw had also shown us how gentle he was to his children.

Allah Subhanahu wa Ta’ala said:

لَقَدْ كَانَ لَكُمْ فِي رَسُولِ اللَّهِ أُسْوَةٌ حَسَنَةٌ لِمَنْ كَانَ يَرْجُو اللَّهَ وَالْيَوْمَ الْآخِرَ وَذَكَرَ اللَّهَ كَثِيرًا

“And indeed, in the self of the Prophet, there is a good example for you, (that is) people who expect the meeting with Allah and remember Allah a lot.” [Al-Ahzab: 21]

From the companion of Al-Hasan radhiyallahu ‘anhu, as it is told from Abu Bakrah radhiyallahu ‘anhu,

أَنَّ رَسُولَ اللَّهِ صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ كَانَ يُصَلِّي فَإِذَا سَجَدَ وَثَبَ الْحَسَنُ عَلَى ظَهْرِهِ وَعَلَى عُنُقِهِ فَيَرْفَعُ رَسُولُ اللَّهِ صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ رَفْعًا رَفِيقًا لِئَلَّا يُصْرَعَ قَالَ فَعَلَ ذَلِكَ غَيْرَ مَرَّةٍ فَلَمَّا قَضَى صَلَاتَهُ قَالُوا يَا رَسُولَ اللَّهِ رَأَيْنَاكَ صَنَعْتَ بالْحَسَنِ شَيْئًا مَا رَأَيْنَاكَ صَنَعْتَهُ قَالَ إِنَّهُ رَيْحَانَتِي مِنْ الدُّنْيَا وَإِنَّ ابْنِي هَذَا سَيِّدٌ وَعَسَى اللَّهُ تَبَارَكَ وَتَعَالَى أَنْ يُصْلِحَ بِهِ بَيْنَ فِئَتَيْنِ مِنْ الْمُسْلِمِينَ

“Indeed, the Prophet shallallahu ‘alaihi wa sallam once prayed, and when he prostrated, Al-Hasan (his grandson who was the son of ‘Ali, pen.) jumped on his back and nape. Then the Prophet shallallahu ‘alaihi wa sallam raised his head slowly so that he did not surprise him. He did this not only once.

When the prayer had finished, the companions asked, “O Prophet, we saw something that you did to Al-Hasan that we have never seen before.” He shallallahu ‘alaihi wa sallam answered, “Indeed, he is conditioning my heart in the world. Indeed, my grandson is a leader (statesman, pen.). I hope to Allah Ta’ala to fix two strongholds of Muslims through him.” (Hadith Ahmad no. 20535. Shaykh Syu’aib Al Arnauth said that this hadith is sahih)

In another narration, it is also mentioned about the love of the Prophet to kids. From shahabiyah Ummu Khalid bintu Khalid radhiyallahu ‘anha,

أُتِيَ النَّبِيُّ صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ بِثِيَابٍ فِيهَا خَمِيصَةٌ سَوْدَاءُ صَغِيرَةٌ فَقَالَ مَنْ تَرَوْنَ أَنْ نَكْسُوَ هَذِهِ فَسَكَتَ الْقَوْمُ قَالَ ائْتُونِي بِأُمِّ خَالِدٍ فَأُتِيَ بِهَا تُحْمَلُ فَأَخَذَ الْخَمِيصَةَ بِيَدِهِ فَأَلْبَسَهَا وَقَالَ أَبْلِي وَأَخْلِقِي وَكَانَ فِيهَا عَلَمٌ أَخْضَرُ أَوْ أَصْفَرُ فَقَالَ يَا أُمَّ خَالِدٍ هَذَا سَنَاهْ

“It was brought to the Prophet shallallahu ‘alaihi wa sallam a small green robe. Then he asked, “Who do you think that is (suitable) to wear it?” The companions was silent. Then he shallallahu ‘alaihi wa sallam said, “Bring Ummu Khalid here.” Then I was brought while I was carried. Then he took that robe with his hands and put it on. He then said, “Hopefully it (the clothes, pen.) is lasting.” On that clothes, there are ornaments of green or yellow stripes. He shallallahu ‘alaihi wa sallam also said, “O Ummu Khalid, this is good.” (Hadith Bukhari no. 5823)

As parents, we should give an affection and attention for the children. Every parents’ deed of course will be an example for the children, as well as in the matters of the ways to educate children in Islam.