Children are blessing in a family. Parents who are entrusted with them should do their best to raise them. However, raising children is not easy. Children can sometimes be rebellious and disobedient. It’s the biggest challenge for every parents to find the ways on how to deal with disobedient children in Islam.
When a child grows up to be either good or disobedient, it’s all because of their parents. Children can be disobedient because of many reasons, from their internal environment within the family or from the external. But it’s a parent’s duty to raise their children right, so when they show any misbehavior parents are the one who should be responsible.
Here are some tips about ways on how to deal with disobedient with children in Islam:
- Discuss the Matter with Your Spouse
When children show disobedient in their behavior, don’t deal on the issue alone. Involve your spouse to find the best solution together. Discuss with your husband and wife about certain behavior you think is not right, then ask them about how to fix it together. Also read Importance of Obeying Parents in Islam
- Don’t Argue with Them
Avoid of being involved with heated argument with your children. Do your best to stay calm and not lashing out anger to your children. It won’t make your children change their behavior right away. They become more disobedient instead. The more you get angry, the more your children will go against it.
- Spend More Time Your Child
When your children show disobedient in their behavior, don’t put the blame on them. Reflect on yourself, maybe you don’t understand your children enough.
It’s a problem that working parents often encounter, so the best solution would be spending more time with them. Understand your children more to find the core problem on their behavior. Also read How to Keep Family Ties in Islam
- Never Use Violence
As narrated from Abdullah ibn Abbas RA, the Prophet (peace be upon him) said, “O child, I will teach you a few sentences (advice): keep the boundaries of Allah so he will take care of you, keep the boundaries (Shari’a) then you will find Him in front of you.” (Tirmidzi)
Violence is never a good solutions in all problems, including in raising your children. If you treat your children abusively, they will never be obedient to you.
- Hang Whip on the Wall
There are ways on how to deal with disobedient children in Islam according to the Prophet (peace be upon him), as he said in one Hadith,
“Hang the whip (battering) in a place visible to the inhabitants of the house because it is an education for them.” (Abdur Razzaq)
- Set a Good Example
Children imitate their parents right away. If you want them to grow up with loving behavior, show harmony in front of them. Never let them know when you’re fighting with your spouse, don’t use harsh languages on them and other things that you don’t want them to do. Also read Negative Effects of Divorce in Islam
- Encourage Them to Worship Allah SWT
Embrace your children to worship Allah together. Do congregation prayer with your family together, teach them to recite Quran, and take them to do good together.
“And enjoin (on) your family the prayer and be steadfast therein. Not We ask you (for) provision; We provide (for) you, and the outcome (is) for the righteous[ness].” (20:132)
- Speak with Them Gently
“So because (of) Mercy from Allah, you dealt gently with them. And if you had been rude (and) harsh (at) [the] heart, surely they (would have) dispersed from around you. Then pardon [from] them and ask forgiveness for them and consult them on the matter. Then when you have decided, then put trust on Allah. Indeed, Allah loves the ones who put trust (in Him).” (3:159)
Use good words and gentle language when they talk to them. Never talk in a high tone and harsh words to them. Also read Importance of Devotion to Parents in Islam
- Use Reward and Punishment System
“If you see your son doing good, then praise and record, if your son does bad, rebuke and never record it.” (Umar bin Khattab)
Encourage good behavior of your children by using reward and punishment system. Praise them when they do good, give punishment when they behave badly.
- Listen to Them More
Parents shouldn’t think they always right. It’s more necessary for you to listen to your children than they do to you. Also read Tips for Teaching Children Ramadan Fasting
Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) said, “Whoever releases one of the difficulties of a Muslim, surely Allah will release him a difficulty on the Day of Judgment. Whoever makes easy the affairs of others, surely Allah will facilitate him in the world and the Hereafter.” (Muslim)
- Never Put Certain Label on Them
When your children show disobedient behavior, never call them as a “naughty” or “bad” kids. The label will stick forever and eventually becomes a stereotype. Your children will see themselves as a naughty kid and they behave that way.
- Follow the Prophet’s Sunnah
Our Prophet (peace be upon him) had his own way in raising children, as said in a Hadith below:
“O Messenger of Allah, how can I help my son so that he can worship me?” The Prophet answered, “Accepting his effort even if small, forgiving his mistake, neither burdening him with a heavy burden nor even scolding him with abusive words that can hurt his heart.” (Abu Dawood)
- Give Attention to Their Environment
“Someone depends on his friend’s religion. Then he should see with whom he befriends.” (Abu Dawood)
Look who’s your children’s friend, his school environment, etc. Their behavior is strongly affected by their surrounding.
So those are among the ways on how to deal with disobedient children in Islam. Remember that raising children is not easy, you have to be patient because when they grow up as a good person, you’ll also get the virtue of it.