Humans are social creatures. From birth to death, everyone must need help from others. This has become a fitra for human and it is arranged in Islam (hablum minannas).
One form of human relationships with others is a silaturahmi. Everyone have been do silaturahmi or aceept guest, as in a hadith :
“And whose believe in Allah and the Last Day, let him glorify his guest.” (Bukhari and Muslim)
Rules for visiting someone in Islam
One form of Silaturahmi is visiting family or friends. In visit, Islam has taught rules of silaturahmi. So, it can give benefit for visitor or host.
- Using neat and polite clothes
By using a neat clothe, it means you are appreciating yourself and the host. Guests with neat and polite clothes will be more appreciated by the host.
As Allah S.W.T said :
إِنْ أَحْسَنْتُمْ أَحْسَنْتُمْ لِأَنْفُسِكُمْ وَإِنْ أَسَأْتُمْ فَلَهَا فَإِذَا جَاءَ وَعْدُ الْآَخِرَةِ لِيَسُوءُوا وُجُوهَكُمْ وَلِيَدْخُلُوا الْمَسْجِدَ كَمَا دَخَلُوهُ أَوَّلَ مَرَّةٍ وَلِيُتَبِّرُوا مَا عَلَوْا تَتْبِيرًا (7)
“If you do good, you do good for yourselves and if you do evil, [you do it ] to yourselves. Then when the final promise came, [We sent your enemies] to sadden your faces and to enter the temple in Jerusalem, as they entered it the first time, and to destroy what they had taken over with [total] destruction.” (17 : 7)
- Knock on the door three times
Knock on the door three times, if no answer, you should go home.
As The Prophet said :
“Ask for permission three times, if you were allowed then go in, otherwise go home.” (Bukhari and Muslim)
Ask permission with knocking the door three times, has been explained in Quran :
“And if you do not find anyone therein, do not enter them until permission has been given you. And it is said to you, “Go back” then go back; it is purer for you. And Allah is Knowing of what you do.” (An-Nur : 28)
- Ask for permission and say salaam before entering the house
Allah S.W.T said :
“O you who have believed, do not enter houses other than your own houses until you ascertain welcome and greet their inhabitants. That is best for you; perhaps you will be reminded.” (An-Nur : 27)
In a history, “that a man asks for permission to the house of the Prophet Muhammad S.A.W while he is in the house. He said : May I come in? Rasulullah said to his servant : meet that man and teach him how to ask permission and tell him to say “Assalamu’alaikum, may I come in?”. That man heard what the Prophet taught, then he said “Assalamu’alaikum, may I come in?” The Prophet give him permission and entered him.” (Abu Dawud)
The important lesson of ask for permission before entering the house is keeping the eyes, as the Prophet said :
“Ask for permission is made an obligation because it can keep the eyes.” (Bukhari and Muslim)
You may also read how to greetings in Islam.
- Should not peek inside the house
Although your intention is only to make sure whether or not someone in the house, but you are still not allowed to peek inside the house.
“From Sahal bin Saad said : there was a man who peek from a hole in the door of Rasulullah S.A.W house and at that time, he was combing his hair. Then Rasulullah S.A.W said : “If I know you peek, I will plug your eyes. Indeed, Allah commands to ask permission because it can keep the eyes.” (Bukhari)
In another history said :
“Whoever looks in the house of people without their permission, the you may gouge out his eyes without having too pay diyat and without qishas.” (Muslim and Fathul Bari)
- Introduce yourself before entering the house
If the host has not known who you are, then introduce yourself first before you are allowed to enter the house.
In a hadith :
“From Jabir, he said: I ever come to the Messenger of Allah, and I knocked on his door. The Prophet S.A.W asked : “Who is it?” I replied : “I” He said : “I, I … !” As if he was angry.” (Bukhari)
This hadith shows that if the host asked to his guest, then answer with saying name, not just reply.
- Men are prohibited to visit a house where there is only a woman in it.
To avoid slander, a man is prohibited to enter a house in which only a woman. You should stay outside the house or its terrace. This can avoid a woman from the danger of that man.
You may also read :
- Sitting politely
After the host allows you to enter the house, you should sit and visit politely. Don’t spread your sight everywhere because it can make the host uncomfortable and suspicious with you.
Islam arranges the way of sitting politely :
- Not asking people who are already seated, so you can sit in that place.
- The person who entitled to sit in one place is the person who the first to occupy it.
- Do not sit by interrupting two people who seated.
- Do not sitting in the middle of assembly
- Sit by reading basmalla and dhikr to Allah
- Receive a banquet well
If the host has served a banquet for you, then receive it happily. Don’t show your dislike face to the banquet. Immediately enjoy the banquet as soon as the host invites, don’t wait until you are invited many times.
- Enjoy a banquet with basmalla and end it with alhamdulillah
The Messenger of Allah said :
“If any one of you wants to eat then mention Allah’s name, if you forgot to menion Allah’s name at first, please read : Bissmillahi awwalahu waakhiruhu.” (Abu Dawud)
You may also read : Importance of Bismillah in Islam
- Eat with your right hand and choose the nearest food
Islam teaches us the rules of eat and drink with the right hand, it is not polite if you used your left right, except your right hand was having problems.
- Clear your plate
By clearing the food on your plate means you show your appreciation to the host.
- Go home soon
Do not be too long in the host because the host can be bored and wants to do another activities. Notice tho host’s attitude to you when you were speaking, if he felt agitated, you should terminate your visit soon.
- Make your appoinment according to the recommended times
From Anas’s bestfriend :
“Rasulullah never knocked on the door to his family at night. He usually comes to them in the morning or afternoon.” (Muttafaqun ‘Alaihi)
From hadith above, we know that the best time to visit is before isha. Islam has given rules of visiting time, do not visit at the time of aurat. The time of aurat is after dhuhur, isha and before dawn.
Allah S.W.T said :
يَا أَيُّهَا الَّذِينَ آَمَنُوا لِيَسْتَأْذِنْكُمُ الَّذِينَ مَلَكَتْ أَيْمَانُكُمْ وَالَّذِينَ لَمْ يَبْلُغُوا الْحُلُمَ مِنْكُمْ ثَلَاثَ مَرَّاتٍ مِنْ قَبْلِ صَلَاةِ الْفَجْرِ وَحِينَ تَضَعُونَ ثِيَابَكُمْ مِنَ الظَّهِيرَةِ وَمِنْ بَعْدِ صَلَاةِ الْعِشَاءِ ثَلَاثُ عَوْرَاتٍ لَكُمْ لَيْسَ عَلَيْكُمْ وَلَا عَلَيْهِمْ جُنَاحٌ بَعْدَهُنَّ طَوَّافُونَ عَلَيْكُمْ بَعْضُكُمْ عَلَى بَعْضٍ كَذَلِكَ يُبَيِّنُ اللَّهُ لَكُمُ الْآَيَاتِ وَاللَّهُ عَلِيمٌ حَكِيمٌ (58) وَإِذَا بَلَغَ الْأَطْفَالُ مِنْكُمُ الْحُلُمَ فَلْيَسْتَأْذِنُوا كَمَا اسْتَأْذَنَ الَّذِينَ مِنْ قَبْلِهِمْ كَذَلِكَ يُبَيِّنُ اللَّهُ لَكُمْ آَيَاتِهِ وَاللَّهُ عَلِيمٌ حَكِيمٌ (59)
“O you who have believed, let those whom your right hand posses and those who have not [yet] reached puberty among you ask permission of you [before entering] at three times : before the dawn prayer and when you put aside your clothing [for rest] at noon and after the night prayer. [These are] three times of privacy for you. There is no blame upon you nor upon them beyond these [periods], for they continually circulate among you – some of you, among other. Thus does Allah make clear to you the verses; and Allah is Knowing and Wise.” (An-Nur : 58)
See also Akhlaq of Prophet Muhammad S.A.W.
From some of hadith above, they explained that silaturahmi gives many benefits for guests and someone who receive guests. Besides that, it can grow a tolerant attitude to others, bring forgiveness get blessings from Allah, make demons and Satan angry. Silaturahmi is not only visiting family’s house, but also it can be done through technology such as phone calls, SMS, and even social media.