The way how to find a spouse in Islam should be not careless. Do not let you divorce, whereas your marriage has just a few years or months. Indeed, Allah Subhanahu Wa Ta’ala hates a divorce. A divorce will raise hate in the heart of mate’s former.
“Women are married because four things : because her treasures, her position, her looks and her religion. Then you should choose a woman who is good in her religion (her Islamic). If you did not do it, you will get loss.” (Narrated by Bukhari-Muslim)
Although, it is not easy, but we must believe as it is mentioned in Qur’an Surah An-Nur verse 26
اَلْخـَبِيـْثــاَتُ لِلْخَبِيْثـِيْنَ وَ اْلخَبِيْثُــوْنَ لِلْخَبِيْثاَتِ وَ الطَّيِّبَاتُ لِلطَّيِّبِيْنَ وَ الطَّيِّبُوْنَ لِلطَّيِّبَاتِ.
“Evil women are for evil men, and evil men are [subjected] to evil women. And good women are for good women, and good men are [an object] of good women.” (Q.S. An-Nur : 26)
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The way how to find a spouse in Islam has been arranged especially in the matter of wife selection who will be a mother for your children later. So, let we discuss about it below.
- Based on her faith
In a hadith, Rasulullah Shallallahu ‘alaihi wa sallam mentioned that religion is the most important thing to choose a spouse. For that, we should look someone based on her religion. Do not look her from her beauty and her family.
Because the religion is a pillar of family. It must not be subordinated or pushed away because it will bring your family a happiness until the Hereafter. So that, if you want to find a spouse, you should choose a woman based on her faith who can save your family in the Hereafter.
See aslo : Importance of faith
- Close to Allah Subhanahu Wa Ta’ala
Do not let your future wife improve her faith alone, you should also close to Allah Subhanahu Wa Ta’ala. If you want to get a good partner, then you should fix yourself especially your relationship with Allah Subhanahu Wa Ta’ala.
You should close to Him such as multiply sunnah worships, night prayers, Dhuha prayer, Shadaqah, reciting Qu’an. If those are done continously, your faith will increase and you can be closer to Allah Subhanahu Wa Ta’ala.
See also : How to be closer to Allah SWT
- Fix yourself
After your relation with Allah Subhanahu Wa Ta’ala well, you should fix yourself. Fix your relationship with your family and your environment. If we have faults, we should apologize.
“And We have enjoined upon man [care] for his parents. His mother carried him, [increasing her] in weakness upon weakness, and his weaning is in two years. Be grateful to Me and to your parents; to Me is the [final] destination.” (Q.S. Luqman : 14) [AdSense-B]
- Pray to Allah Subhanahu Wa Ta’ala
Besides that, we should pray only to Allah Subhanahu Wa Ta’ala. Because there is no one can grant our prayer except Him. As His word in Qur’an Surah Al-Baqarah verse 186 : “And when My servants ask you, [O Muhammad], concerning Me – indeed I am near. I respond to the invocation of the supplicant when he calls upon Me….”
Someone who will be our partner has been served by Allah Subhanahu Wa Ta’ala. Her heart will be moved, if Alllah Subhanahu Wa Ta’ala allows. So, pray only to Allah Azza Wa Jalla and He will help you.
- Positive thinking (Husnuzon)
When your spouse have not come, then you should think positive to Allah Subhanahu Wa Ta’ala. You can meditate.
You may be not ready physically and spiritually. Or Allah Azza Wa Jalla has not met you with your partner because your intent has not been straight.
So you should remember that the intention of marriage is a worship to Allah Subhanahu Wa Ta’ala. Besides that, it is also the sunnah of Rasulullah saw because marriage is a half of religion. [AdSense-A]
The next, you can do ta’aruf. Ta’aruf is a process to know each other between potential mates. Commonly, Ta’aruf is guided by Ustadz or Ustadzah.
This introduction starts from exchange of personal data. When both of them agree to continue, then the next process is they meet face to face. But if one of them is not interested, then ta’aruf will not continue.
After they meet face to face, they do istikharah prayer to make a decision about it. They will continue or not. If one of them disagree, it is no problem. He or She is not your spouse. And when ta’aruf stop, the secret of them will be kept between them and their ustadz/ustadzah.
See also : Rules of dating in Islam
- Do not rush
If you want to find your spouse, you should not rush. You should be careful because rush is a whisper of evil. When you have done ta’aruf, you should do istikharah with a neutral heart.
The result of your istikharah can be looked from the steadiness of heart or the opinion of your parents about your marriage mate.
When your heart is doubt, you should be sure first. You want to continue or not. Although you have a big dream to get married, you should not agree . You can ask the opinion of your parents. If they also disagree, then it is the answer. He/she is not your spouse.
- Communicate with your family
When you have choose your partner, you must tell all of your family especially your parents. If your parents disagree with her/him, then you should not continue it.
Indeed, it is better for you. Remember, the blessing of Allah Subhanahu Wa Ta’ala is in the blessing of parents. Although we have a steadiness heart, but your parents disagree, may be he/she is not your spouse. Be calm and believe that Allah Subhanahu Wa Ta’ala has prepared the best spouse for us.
- See her treasures
The treasure is something really impressive. Commonly, it becomes a reason for someone to choose her life partner. By treasure, all of needs can be fulfilled and you will not think funds for meet your daily needs.
But you should remember that treasures is not everything. It is only a deposit of Allah SWT and it can be taken by Him easily. So, treasure can become patience and thankful. Many treasure make you many thankful and a little treasure make you many patience.
- See her lineage
The next way how to find a spouse is you should see her lineage or nasab. Because descendant contents gen that will be inherited until grandchildren later. So, a Moslem is advised to get a good descendant and he chooses a fertile woman to get descendants.
“Marry with a kind and fertile woman, because I am proud with a lot of you in front of others people.” (Sunan Abu Dawud from the hadith of Ma’qil Yasar r.a.
- Gather with righteous people
A spouse from Allah Ta’ala must be attempted and done ikhtiar. If you want to get a righteous spouse, you should gather with righteous people, too. From that, you can find people who has faith and taqwa.
- Accept her weakness
There is no body perfect. Every body must be a weakness. Although, your spouse has been perfect according to you, she must be a weakness in herself. So, as a good Moslem, you should accept her weakness.
Thus the article about how to find a spouse in Islam. Hopefully, you can find your spouse according to your wish and you can build a family that sakinah, mawaddah and warahmah. Amen.