Laws of Rejecting Marriage in Islam
Marriage is considered as an important and advisable matter in Islam. Allah SWT has created all human with his partner in live to get his offspring by marriage. Allah SWT commandment,”
وَٱللَّهُ جَعَلَ لَكُم مِّنْ أَنفُسِكُمْ أَزْوَٰجًا وَجَعَلَ لَكُم مِّنْ أَزْوَٰجِكُم بَنِينَ وَحَفَدَةً وَرَزَقَكُم مِّنَ ٱلطَّيِّبَٰتِ ۚ أَفَبِٱلْبَٰطِلِ يُؤْمِنُونَ وَبِنِعْمَتِ ٱللَّهِ هُمْ يَكْفُرُونَ
“Allah was made you and your wives from your own kind selves; He made you and your wives, children and grandchildren, and providing you with the good livelihood. Thus, why do they believe to the foolish and deny to the graceful of Allah SWT?” (QS. An-Nahl:72)
There are some marriage laws for adult with its conditions:
- Mandatory: those who have high libido, parenthood and considered as if he cannot restrain his lust, it is recommended for him to get marriage soon. Read more about How to Have a Happy Marriage in Islam
- Sunnah: those who are willing to get married and ready to start a family both mental and financial.
- Makruh: those who do not have willingness to get married because it is being worried that the marriage will be problem for them and their family in the future.
- Mubah: those who have fulfill the requirements to marriage and it is been worried they will fall into zina. Read more about Importance of Marriage in Islam
- Forbidden: those who intend to get married with their spouse to torture their spouse.
What if someone (man or woman) has already qualified to get married indeed he is refusing to get married? Here are some conditions that will support the questions arise:
- Refusing without good reasons
It is a big lost for a woman to refuse a good intention of a man who wants to marriage her especially without a good reason. As Rasulullah SAW said,
“If there is one’s religious and morality come to marry a woman, you shall marriage the couple soon. Indeed, if you are not performing the marriage immediately, there will be defamation and a great damage on earth.” (HR. At-Tirmidzi no. 1084. Being hasan Al-Imam Al-Albani in Al-Irwa’ No. 1868, Ash Shahihah no. 1022).
The hadidh is mentioned that we are advisable not to refuse marriage a religious man without a good reason because it will cause of defamation as like the opinion about the woman’s family who are very selective in choosing their son-in-law and so it is in the vice verse. Read more about Things to Know About Marriage in Islam
In fact, a religious woman is the best couple as Rasulullah SAW said,
” Women are usually married for because of her four things; their wealth, their position, their appearances, and religion. Thus, you shall choose those who are good in religion (Islam). If not, indeed, you will get lost.”(HR. Bukhari).
2. Refusing due to of his religion
It is permitted to refuse a marriage for a man or a woman in the condition of the future groom or bride is not good. The good here means that the future groom or bride is not doing a mandatory prayer, fasting, give alms or other good worships.
ٱلرِّجَالُ قَوَّٰمُونَ عَلَى ٱلنِّسَآءِ بِمَا فَضَّلَ ٱللَّهُ بَعْضَهُمْ عَلَىٰ بَعْضٍ وَبِمَآ أَنفَقُوا۟ مِنْ أَمْوَٰلِهِمْ ۚ فَٱلصَّٰلِحَٰتُ قَٰنِتَٰتٌ حَٰفِظَٰتٌ لِّلْغَيْبِ بِمَا حَفِظَ ٱللَّهُ ۚ وَٱلَّٰتِى تَخَافُونَ نُشُوزَهُنَّ فَعِظُوهُنَّ وَٱهْجُرُوهُنَّ فِى ٱلْمَضَاجِعِ وَٱضْرِبُوهُنَّ ۖ فَإِنْ أَطَعْنَكُمْ فَلَا تَبْغُوا۟ عَلَيْهِنَّ سَبِيلًا ۗ إِنَّ ٱللَّهَ كَانَ عَلِيًّا كَبِيرًا
“Men are leaders for women because Allah SWT has giving some parts (men) for the other parts (women) for their livelihood of their wealth (men). Thus, a religious woman is the one, who’s obedient to Allah SWT, can take care of her dignity while her spouse is working, and it is the reason Allah SWT is keeping (them). Women whose are being worried of her nusyuz, please be advised and separated them from their bed and hit them.
Then when they are obedient you, do not look for troublesome. Indeed, Allah is All the Greatest and Allah is the Enormous.” (QS. An-Nisa:34)
It is clearly said that Allah SWT ordered us to choose and make our spouse become the one who is religious. Men are leader to women and he is expected to be able to maintain of her religion.
3. Refusing marriage because he does not have a prestigious job
Now days, still, there are many parents wishing their future groom or bride having a prestigious occupation.
Indeed, on the other side such as he’s faithfully and healthiness, the man is already fulfill the requirements to get married. It is forbidden and also not recommended in Islam to seek our spouse without looking at from his faithfully but from his social status only.
4. Refusing due to the health condition
A woman is allowed to refuse a marriage due to she has found out the record of her future groom. Here means that she founds that her future groom was had a history of psychoneurotic or sexual diseases which are being afraid of it can danger of herself and also the proposer’s.
5. Refusing marriage due to physical reason
It is not wise to refuse a marriage based on the physical appearance because it is not stated on the requirements of marriage in Islam and the perfection is belongs to Allah SWT only.
As time goes by, we are getting old and our physic is not stronger anymore. Read more about Islamic Rules for Engagement
6. Refusing marriage without searching his origins
Due to sophistication of the technology and social media, there are many ambiguous marriages in Indonesia.
When someone comes to propose the girl but we are not recognize his family record like as his parents occupation, his parents residence and his family looks like, it is permitted for a girl to refuse a marriage because it is believed that it will cause problems in the marriage especially to their children in the future.
7. Refusing marriage due to not in love
Islam has acquaintanceship which is called Ta’aruf in Islam. Love cannot grow easily in a couple when both of them are not having the feeling to get along deeply in each other.
The couple is needed to be accompanied by a mediator by the condition that both of them are less to talk.
Today, most of people are refusing marriage due to the love reason with the condition they are already comfort with dating. In fact, there is no such kind of dating in Islam instead of zina. Read more about How to Propose in Islam
Thus, it is not wise and irrational to refuse a marriage based on love reason because indeed, the good love will grows after the marriage not before the marriage.
Hopefully this article can increase our knowledge about marriage and all of us are given the best mate from Allah SWT and so it does in the vice verse. Amen.