Sexuality could be considered as a gift that Allah SWT gave to human being. It’s something Allah SWT bestowed to us, the human being, so we could continue the existence of our race. More than that, there is a huge pleasant in sexuality that a human can never get it from anywhere else.
Sexuality leads to many consequences unless it is done under the tie of marriage. It’s a worldly reward, but also contain a huge responsibility behind it.
Men should restrain and hold their sexual desire under control, or else it will take control to the human instead and they will be driven by their animal instinct. An uncontrollable sexuality could lead into a great sin and a forever regret. Every Muslim should know how to control your sexuality in Islam. Here are the ways to do that:
1. Lowering the Gaze
Muslims, especially women, should lower their gaze wherever they are and restrain themselves from looking at the source of haraam. Allah SWT has said, “And tell the believing women to lower their gaze (from looking at forbidden things), and protect their private parts (from illegal sexual acts)” – An-Noor (24:31)
Also, the Prophet (SAW) has said,
“Do not follow one glance with another, for the first is allowed but not the second.”
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2. Avoid Anything Close to Sexual Aspect
People nowadays enjoy entertainment much, such as reading books, listening to musics, and watching a movie. It’s okay to enjoy but be selective with the content. Avoid enjoying things that contain many sexuality, like a romantic scene from a movie or books, and songs that arose sexual desire. Instead, enjoy things that remind you to Allah SWT.
3. Surround Yourself with Good People
We are who our friends are. If we want to be a good person, then we must choose good people as our company. Because we tend to follow anything our friends do. As the Prophet said,
“A man follows the religion of his friend; so each one should consider whom he makes his friend.” – Abu Dawud.
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4. Avoid Thinking About Sexuality
There would be time where irresistible thoughts about sexuality floats into a human’s brain. Avoid it as much as possible by trying not to look at things sexual or read anything sexual from book. This is why Muslims need to lower their gaze, because sexuality could arise when we are looking at another person for too long.
5. Spend Time in Remembering Allah
Whenever we have spare time, we should spend it in remembrance of Allah. Spare time and empty thoughts are two dangerous things that could lead into sexuality. Unconsciously we imagine about the good looking man or woman we saw earlier. Once the thoughts gone wild, that is when the sin comes. It’s better to spend our spare time with dhikr.
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6. Do Fast Often
When young people are unable to resist their sexuality but not to get married yet, the Prophet said,
“O young men, whoever among you can afford to, let him get married, for it is more effective in lowering the gaze and in guarding one’s chastity. Whoever cannot afford it, then let him fast, for it will be a shield for him.”
7. Keep in Mind That Allah Has Prepare the Best
Allah SWT created human into a pair, and two people will eventually meet each other when the decided time has come. And surely Allah has prepare the best for His servant, so all we need to do is to wait while trying our best. Always bear in mind that Allah knows what’s best for us and the best will come to us.
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8. Think About Righteous Woman
For women, be someone like Maryam that even Allah SWT praises,
“And Maryam (Mary), the daughter of ‘Imraan who guarded her chastity. And We breathed into (the sleeve of her shirt or her garment) through Our Rooh [i.e. Jibreel (Gabriel)], and she testified to the truth of the Words of her Lord [i.e. believed in the Words of Allaah: “Be!” and he was; that is ‘Eesa (Jesus), son of Maryam (Mary) as a Messenger of Allaah], and (also believed in) His Scriptures, and she was of the Qaanitoon (i.e. obedient to Allaah)” – At Tahrim (66:12)
9. Seek Help From Allah
Nobody could help us away from sexuality but Allah SWT. Seek for His help every time in your dua and Shalat. There are no bigger help than Allah’s helping hand.
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10. Don’t Go to Places That Arising the Sexual Desire
Avoid our best not to go to places that triggers our sexual desire. Especially places where men and women blender together. Places like public swimming pool is one place that we should avoid the most. Since being in those places is dangerous for our sexual desire.
11. Don’t Delay to Get Married
Sexuality is allowed when we have gotten married. So when we can afford to and ready for it, don’t delay to get married as it’s the best way to prevent prohibited sexuality.
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12. Wear a Decent Clothes
Cover ourselves thoroughly so we wouldn’t trigger someone else’s sexuality. Islam has its own way of dressing to avoid these things. Do not show our body line to other by wearing a tight or see through clothes.
13. Do Many Useful Activities
Do as many useful activities as we can to prevent our mind thinking about sexual thoughts. Doing good deeds, remembering Allah SWT, and seeking for knowledge is many of the useful things we can do to spend our time.
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Those are the ways on how to control your sexuality in Islam. Remember to keep our desire under control until the right time and the right person has come. Under the tie of marriage, sexuality is a blessing and human would earn not only reward from Allah SWT but also a big pleasure that would be find nowhere else.
However sexuality without marriage is haraam, and a Muslim would be a great sinner for that. Let’s remind each other to always walk within the path that Allah bless, not go beyond that and break the rules Allah SWT made.