Getting married is an adult decision and sacred ceremony that must be done (Sunnah) by Muslim and be ready to live a new life with another person. At this stage, we will be a different person because marriage is the last phase of our life when we are in the world. It will end until you are old and die later. So in this phase, you will be with your new partner or family until your life ends.
Getting married is not as easy as we think. We need to consider a few things before getting married. Many people do a wrong step because they think marriage is simple and end up with a divorce later. It is because getting married will make a new hurdle and challenge that we must be ready and face it in the future.
O mankind! Indeed, We created you from a male and a female and We made you nations and tribes that you may know one another. Indeed, (the) most noble of you near Allah (is the) most righteous of you. Indeed, Allah (is) All-Knower, All-Aware. (Al-Hujurat 49:13)
“Whoever has the ability to marry then he is not married then he is not among my people”. (HR Thabrani and Baihaqi)
So, here are some things to consider before getting married in Islam.
1. Spiritual and akhlaq
Every human would want a good partner, be responsible, and have good religious knowledge. By having a knowledgeable partner, it is expected that children born in the marriage can be pious and shaleh children. Marriage is expected to bring blessings and happiness. If we want to get a good partner, then keep on fixing our characters and akhlaq. Keep learning and improving them and Allah will give a worthy and good partner.
Evil women (are) for evil men, and evil men (are) for evil women. And good women (are) for good men and good men (are) for good women. Those (are) innocent of what they say. For them (is) forgiveness and a provision noble. (An-Nur 24:26)
See also: Benefits of Modesty in Islam
2. Parent or guardian’s permission
Before we get married, we need to get the permission of parents. This is because the parents’ blessing is one of the obligations for the married couple in front of the headman. In addition, Allah will not bless the marriage later if parents do not approve of the marriage.
And has decreed your Lord, that (do) not worship except Him Alone and to parents, good treatment. Whether reach with you the old age one of them, or both of them, then (do) not say to both of them a word of disrespect and (do) not repel them, but speak to them a word noble. (Al-Isra 17:23)
“Unauthorized a marriage without a guardian and two fair witnesses.” (HR Al-Baihaqi)
3. Material and finance
When doing marriage, Muslim women are required to be able to include themselves in the matter of material handling. The obligation to earn a living is what is required of the husband, and as a wife, the Muslim woman must be able to involve herself into the financial manager of her husband’s income. At one time, Muslimah can also help her husband to earn a living if necessary. Finance and material should be considered before doing marriage too because we will get a hard life if we are not ready.
See also: Prayers for Having a Child
4. The rules of marriage
As Muslims who have a clear life reference, of course, we know that marriage is due to worship. The vision of marriage in Islam is to draw many rewards through married activities, keep away self and family from the fire of hell, and finally try to achieve happiness in the world and in the afterlife. When a person has a vision like this, the days he passes after marriage will try to be dealt with in accordance with the laws of Islam.
Another rule to know is about the laws of marriage. Like about the pillars of marriage, the bride and groom, two witnesses, guardian of the women and the ijab qabul. When all is fulfilled, marriage becomes legitimately religious. Then the obligation to give the dowry as requested by the woman. Then the next problem is walimatul ursy (wedding party).
“The 2 rak’ah prayers which are worshiped by people who have a family are better than the 70 rak’ah alone (or virgins).” (HR Ibnu Ady)
“The best dowry is the easiest.” (H.R. Abu Daud)
5. Mental / psychological
Marriage is a new life very much different from previous times. In marriage gathered two different personalities who come from families who have different habits. In it is open all the original properties of each. Preparing to be dilated to face all the shortcomings of the couple is absolutely necessary. Likewise, ways to communicate our thoughts and feelings well to couples also need attention, so that negative emotions do not color our household.
See also: Dua for Hardship in Islam
6. Physical and health
Checking the health of the reproductive organs is also important in order to avoid the things that are not desirable after marriage. In addition, we also need to know about healthy sex. Many married couples do not know how to have sex with a healthy and enjoyable for each partner. This is important to know because it is part of the key to happiness in marriage.
7. Understand the rights and obligations of a couple
This is the most important part. Each partner must understand the rights and obligations of each. Every family has the opportunity to be a good family when each one fulfills all the responsibilities. Without this, the family that we build will be destroyed and can’t be continued.
See also: Dua to Make Someone Love Us
8. Know the couple’s family
Getting married is bringing together two distinct personalities, unifies two different customs, also unites two different families. Many cases of divorce, in the beginning of the state, is less harmonious couples with family. Whether it’s on the in-laws, brother-in-law, and neighbors around. So it would be better, before marriage, we need to get to know the family figure, starting from parents, relatives, and neighbors around the house. In essence, making the couple more familiar with the family allows when after marriage is easier to adapt. The initial problem in marriage is about adaptation to the environment.
9. The partner’s past story
Before deciding to get married, we need to know the past story of our partner and what our partner experienced before. This is to avoid the occurrence of something that is not desirable in the future due to lack of knowing our partner. In addition, by knowing this, we can get closer to our partner. Islam has already told that the background of the partner is important.
See also: Benefits of Kissing in Islam
10. Parenting Nabawiy
Parenting Nabawiy is a method to raise and educate a child such as Prophet did in the past event. We need to prepare the information and the knowledge about this because the expectation of married people is having a child. To raise a child like Islamic way, we need to do parenting Nabawiy to make him a good child who has good akhlaq and don’t have a bad character or attitude. The education from parents is the first step for the child to go through the world life.
11. The passion of love
We need to consider the passion of love that we have for our partner. This is to show how serious we are for the partner. Many people get married without the passion of love so they always quarrel and end up with a divorce. If we truly love our partner, we will only look to our partner and will not betray him/her. Divorce is permittable in Islam but Allah doesn’t like it because Allah wants His servants to live together until death separates them.
See also: Dua for The Dead Person in Islam
12. The determination of heart
Remember that we get married only once in a lifetime, therefore before we get married, consolidate a heart first. It is because getting married is not a game or something small. Reassure self and ask for clues to Allah Subhanahu wa Ta’ala that our candidate is the best partner for us, the one who can bring us happiness in the world and the hereafter. We can pray/salat in the mosque to ask Allah and make the determination of our heart.
No one wants to have a partner that can not be trusted. Every human being would want to earn the trust of his partner, because with a sense of confidence given, then the love between the two couples can grow bigger.
See also: Ways to Do Sabr in Islam
14. Faith and religious
Many people are concerned with beauty, wealth and descent. It is okay but we must not leave faith aside. Faith is the most important criteria in choosing a partner.
“The woman is married for four things: treasure, heredity, beauty, and religion.Get a religious woman, you will be happy.” (Muttafaq Alaih)
15. Intentions to follow the footsteps of the Prophet
For people who want to marry, they should be accompanied by the intention to follow the footsteps (teachings) of the Prophet. That is the intention of multiplying the people of Muhammad SAW, responsible well in terms of providing for his wife, saving the integrity of his religion and for the hope of the gift of a righteous child who can be expected the prayers.
See also: Importance of Zuhr Prayer
More Things to Consider Before Getting Married in Islam
Here is presented more things to consider before getting married in Islam.
- The understanding of each other character and habit
- The plan for the future of life
- The partner who is still virgin
- The journey of love the partner had in the past
- Relationships with parents and people around
- Deposits and debts
- Has a good nasab (lineage)
- The place/house to live in the future
- Obedient to the man (for the woman)
- Has good chemistry and can overcome the family problem in the future
That’s all things we need to consider before getting married. Hope we know these to prepare them for getting married and live a happy life in the future.