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13 Ways on How to Deal with Stubborn Wife in Islam

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In the life of household, there are always sweet and bitter sides. As we know, the household is a relation that unite two person who has different characteristic. But they have same visions and goals. Of course, this difference can cause conflicts between them.


One way to defuse the conflict is understanding duties and obligations each other. As the obligation of wife to husband in Islam and on the other hand, the husband has obligations as the word of Allah SWT which reads :

“Men are in charge of women by [right of] what Allah has given one over the other and what they spend [for maintenance] from their wealth. So righteous women are devoutly obedient, guarding in [the husband’s] absence what Allah would have them guard. But those [wives] from whom you fear arrogance – [first] advise them; [then if they persist], forsake them in bed; and [finally], strike them. But if they obey you [once more], seek no means against them. Indeed, Allah is ever Exalted and Grand.” (Q.S. An-Nisa : 34)

It means that a husband must be able to guide his wife to the better way. But, sometimes a stubborn wife make her husband confuse what he must do.

Indeed the wife has an obligation to obey all of husband’s words. Obeying all of wife’s obligations reflects the attitude and characteristic of soleha women. As the hadith below :

From Abdillah bin ‘Amr, indeed Rasululah saw said : “The word is a jewelry and the best jewelry is a soleha woman.” (Narrated by Muslim, Nasa’i and Ahmad)

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The Ways How to Deal with Stubborn Wife in Islam

Indeed, Stubborn can be a boomerang. Moreover in the household’s life, the couple must unite two minds. Sometimes, a stubborn woman can make her husband frustration and finally it causes a strife that can disturb the harmony of household.

Because of that, this article will explore about 13 ways how to deal with stubborn wife in Islam that the husband must know. Please read for more details.

  1. Find the causes by looking at her past

The stubbornness is a character that has clung since she has not got married. But basically, this behavior can cling and it must be controlled. The stubbornness can happen at most youngest children where their wishes and wills are always fulfilled and they tend spoiled.

In this case, this stubbornness will be taken by the woman to her household. Because this behavior has clung since she was a little, of course it make your wife become a stubborn woman and you must take an attitude. The most important is your obligation as the head of household guides and directs your wife to the better way.

  1. Do not be stingy to say sorry

“Take what is given freely, enjoy what is good, and turn away from the ignorant.” (Q.S. Al-‘Araf : 199)

Here is a period when the stubbornness of wife can be a trigger the fight of household. Of course, as a stubborn wife, she will not apologize first. But, one way how to deal with stubborn wife is forgiving her faults. 

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  1. Communicate correctly

In every situation, communicating can always bring positive effects, as water that extinguish fire. So, you should communicate with your wife. Talk casually and relax, so she will not hurt.

Do idle talks before sleeping or it is usually called Pullow talk. Believe  that the right situation will give positive effects.

  1. Using good speech

In this case, the usage of speech is very important because the usage of wrong speech makes wrong in its acceptance, too. So, it can cause another problems.


  1. Positive thinking to a stubborn wife

As human, sometimes a husband can run out his patience to deal with his stubborn wife. Of course in this case, you should avoid the hatred. As the hadith of Abi Hurairoh, he said , Rasulullah saw said :

“A believer man should not hate a believer woman. If there is one behavior that he dislikes, then there is another behavior that he likes, or he will say other words.” (Narrated by Muslim and Ahmad)

  1. Do not follow to be stubborn

The most wise to deal with stubborn wife is not becoming a stubborn husband, too. If you follow to be stubborn, then it only causes strife continuously. So it will be better, if you should be wise by dampening your stubborn and change it with your softness.

  1. Use a medical intermediary to advise his wife

If you can not face the stubbornness of your wife, you should be recommended to ask help from the other parties who can understand your wife. For example, you can ask help to her mother. She can advise and realize your wife about her stubbornness.

  1. Regrow her love to you

Love is universal, it means that the power of love can weaken everything, such as a stubborn wife. Her big love to you will stop her stubbornness. Because of that, you should grow a big love in your household. Then Insha Allah you can stop the stubbornness of you wife.

  1. Be patient with the process

You must have full of patience. Because for Allah SWT, there is no beautiful thing from patience. As the word of Allah swt below :

“O you who have believed, it is not lawful for you to inherit women by compulsion. And do not make difficulties for them in order to take [back] part of what you gave them unless they commit a clear immorality. And live with them in kindness. For if you dislike them – perhaps you dislike a thing and Allah makes therein much good.” (Q.S. An-Nisa : 19)

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  1. Give a praise

One thing that can stop a stubborn wife is giving her praise. Praise her when she gets success to control her stubbornness. Insha Allah your praise will be a motivation for her to be a better wife. Do not be stingy to give a praise to your wife, because it can fix your relationship with her.

  1. Be firm in the right chance

A husband is charged to be firm. But, do not use violence to your wife. If you wife has gone too far and her stubbornness make you very angry, then in this situation, you should be firm to give a lesson for your wife.

  1. Remind the goal of marriage

The main goal of marriage is the wife and husband get happiness such as peace, comfort and love each other. This is explained very clear by Allah SWT in Al-Qur’an :

“And of His signs is that He created for you from yourselves mates that you may find tranquility in them; and He placed between you affection and mercy. Indeed in that are signs for a people who give thought.” (Q.S. Ar-Rum : 21)

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  1. Pray

This is a way that you always do and Insha Allah it will give great benefits. Pray to Allah SWT. Indeed Allah will not give a test which is over your head. Believe that the strengthen of dua can make you stronger to face every problems in your household. You may also read the importance of dua in Islam.

Thus 13 ways how to deal with stubborn wife in Islam that a husband must know. Of course, it can be tips how to build a household in Islam for every husband, so they can be right and wise to face the stubbornness of their wife. Hopefully, we can be a sakinah mawaddah and warohmah family. Amen.

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