Divorce is a condition where couples who for one reason or another decide to separate religiously and state. Divorce is the most hated by any religion, including Islam. However, if a person’s soul mate is no longer long, and there is no solution to solve their problem, couples are encouraged to end their relationship well through a divorce. After divorce, there are many things that must be pay attention, including the parents right. In this time, we are discuss about the father’s right after divorce.
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1. The Right to Give a Living
In Islam, the obligation to give a living is charged to the father, not the mother. Due to the family, a father must bear all the needs of his family members, his wife and his children. Even under conditions when someone is divorced. A father must still provide for his children, for it is not only his duty but also his right; although in the future the mother remarries, the father is entitled to give, at least meet the needs of the child. This is mentioned in Hadith al-Mughni no. 8/171 :
‘The scholars we know agree that a man must bear the breadth of his young children, who have no possessions. Because a person’s child is his flesh’s blood, he is part of his parents. As he is obliged to provide for himself and his family, he is also obligated to provide for his flesh’s blood.’
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2. Right to communicate with children
A father, despite divorce and custody is in the hands of his mother, must still communicate with his children. Because although there is the term ex-wife, but there is no (and never will) term ex-child. A father has the right to communicate with his children whenever he wants, and the mother has to pave the way for communication, even if at the time of divorce the relationship is not good. This is done solely to keep the conditions in front of the children that although divorced, their parents remain in good relationship as friends.
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3. The right to get news from the children
If there something happen to the children, father, although he is no longer living with his wife and children, still have a right to know. No one should be covered up, because it only makes things worse. That is why good post-divorce communication is necessary.
4. Right to marry (daughters)
When a daughters getting married, the one and only person that absolutely have a right to marry is her father. Because he is the right person to marrying his daughter to the man of her choice. If for any reason that father can not marrying his father, at least he can see her marriage. It gives him a priceless happiness for a father to see her daughter finally growing up and choose her men to build a family; although he still thought that her daughter is a little girl / daddy’s little girl.
5. Right to nurture / Custody
Divorce is painful, because only one parents can nurture the kids or getting the right of custody. It could be a father or mother. For anyone who gets the custody, do not separate the children with their parents (father / mother); no matter how bad he / she is. In father side, it is pretty hard to do because they had a double role : as a mother and father. But as a father, he can make a children a strong personality to facing a life. He can be a gentle, although not like a mother. The key is patient, and it will make a children not losing affection what it takes.
See also : How to be Patience in Islam
6. The right of protection
Although father are no longer living with his children and his ex-wife, a father still have a right to protect his children from anything what will harm them. It is also applied when the custody is in father side. A father can doing his role to protect his children. Moreover, a father can protect his children by praying to Allah to protect his children anywhere they are, such as :
‘Hasbunallah wa ni’mal wakiil ni’mal mawla wa ni’man nashiir’
7. The right to teach
Parents is a first and best teacher for children. In father side, he can teach how to be a strong and tough personality. The goal is to be strong in real life. Beside that, a father can also teaching his skil what he have. Whether the skill in sports or technology or anything, it will useful for a children later.
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8. Rights to participate in children’s daily life
Father also have a right to participate in children’s life. Such as, in children’s birthday or when the kids join a competition. Together with their mother, the children never feeling lost of affection from one of their parents. It will happen as long as the relationship between father and mother is good and have no hard feeling each other.
9. Rights to treat the children
In Islamic teachings, there are two periods of child development in relation to parental custody, the period before mumayyiz (the child has not been able to distinguish between useful and dangerous for himself, from birth to seven or eight years old) according to the Compilation of Islamic Law until age 12 years, and after mumayyiz. Before the child going to mumayyiz periods, mothers are more entitled to exercise custody of children because the mother better understand the needs of children with love especially children at that age is in need of life nearby.
[AdSense-A] Mumayyiz period begins when the child is simply able to distinguish which is dangerous and beneficial for him, it started from the age of 7 (seven) years until the adult (baligh and rational). At this time the child can already choose and decide whether to choose to follow his mother or father. But under certain circumstances when the child’s choice is not beneficial to the child, in the interest of the child the judge may change the verdict and determine which is beneficial to the child. If the custody going to the father, then father must doing the same thing like mother do, and more understand about the children needs and treat them than before.
10. Rights to tell the children the truth
Divorce is painful. But it does not mean that we have to hide the truth to the children. On the right time, and when the kids are good enough to understand what really happened between their parents, the children must know the truth behind divorce. But remember not to discredit or denounce each other, because nobody wants to hear that their parents being despise.
11. Rights to Adding Value of Islam
This point means that a father have a major role to teach his children about religion, especially Islam. There are many ways to teach the children about Islam, such as practicing shalat or reading Al-Qur’an. For a daughter, a father must keep her a little bit ‘tighter’. That being said, when she was seven years old, his parenting rights turned to his father until she is married. The reason, the father would be better maintenance and custody of it.
In addition, a father is more entitled to receive the territory (responsibility) of a girl. However, it does not mean her mother should not visit her. The father is even forbidden to prevent the mother of the child who wants to see it, unless it arises things that are not good or haram.
12. Rights of circumcise (especially for boys)
A father have a right to circumcise his son when it is time; when the boys in the proper age. Usually, circumcision towards boys is applied at age 8 to 12. Circumcision is one of the sunnah of nature that is muakkad (highly recommended). Some scholars believe that the law is mandatory. As Ibn Abbas and a group of scholar have said: the law of righteousness is obligatory for men. It is based on the words of Prophet Muhammad Shallallahualaihi Wasallam, which is narrated by Bukhari no. 5889 and Muslim no.257 :
“The five Sunna fitrah are khitan (circumcision), istihdad (shaved pubic hair), cut nails, shave the mum, and pull the armpit hair.”
13. Rights to giving an order (as long as it goods)
As a parents, we always giving an order to our children. It is also applied when the parents are divorced. But the point that must be awared is the order itself. As long as the order is good, the children can obey it. And when the parents gives an order, make sure that we give them example.
14. Rights to (not fully) controlled children’s life
The other rights that we have after divorce is controlling. But as a parents, we are not justified to fully control our children’s life. By the time they grown up, we slowly but sure to loosen our surveilance with giving them a responsible. We have to make sure that they can handle that.
15. Rights to recommend a companion
A child can choose anyone to be their friends. But as a parents, especially father, we can recommend a friends to our children. By joining a sport club or art club, it is a kind of ways to recommend a companion to our children. Therefore, we can control or oversee our children more easily. It aims to protect them from the things that are not desirable.
16. Rights to get the affection from our children
This point can be achieved if we doing our duty as a parents (especially father) very well. Perhaps there is no perfect parents. But with doing out best as a parents, our child will received it very well, and they will gave the feedback more than we expected. There are many ways for our children to show their affection to us. The only thing that we can do is received it and appreciated it.
17. Rights to remind his children
As a father, we are obliged to remind our children if they doing something wrong. We have to remind them in a nice way, so they can received it well. But we have to accept if they remind us for something what we do is wrong. That is the human duty : remind each other. [AdSense-C]
18. Rights to giving a consequence
Correlated with number 17, if for any reason they made a mistake, then there will be a consequence. The consequence itself must be suitable with the things that they had done. Not less or not more. So they can learn that everything have a consequence.
19. Rights to refuse the children’s willing (if it was a bad things)
A parents, especially father, must be fulfill what children’s want. But remember that not all of their will must be fulfilled. If their willing is giving them a bad excess/effect, then we are not obliged to fulfill that. On the contrary, we are allowed to deny the child’s wishes. With plausible and understandable explanations, they will accept that.
20. Rights to receiving an appropriate treatment from the child
This point has a similarity with number 16. If we want to get appropriate treatment from anybody, including our children, then we have to give them appropriate treatment first.
That was the rights of parents in Islam after divorced. This is also applied for mother. But if the marriage can be maintained, then divorced is not have to do. We hope this article bring a lot of benefit for all of you.