The duties and responsibilities of a husband are not limited to make a wife happy and treat her nicely without worrying to hurt her feeling, but it is also stated on the obligation of husband to wife and also the obligation of wife to a husband.
In fact, the real test for a husband is when his wife is making a mistake which is provoke his anger or when his wife is angry with him because of something or jealousy and even the worst is the affairs in household as it is not included in the nature of faithless husband to his wife. Read more about Ways to Divorce Your Wife in Islam
It is common that women are considered as weak and soft person. In addition, mostly they are rely on her heart and feeling so they are considered as sensitive personality.
“Women are not able to always go straight forever. If you are heartfelt with all her lack, you will happy with her. However, if you are pushing yourself to straighten her lack, you will break her heart which is divorce.” (HR. Muslim)
It is explained that the nature of women are like crooked ribs; when your husband trying to straight it, it will be broken and even ended to divorce in your marriage. There are many cases are caused of a husband cannot manage his anger so it creates a big conflict in marriage until it ended with divorces.
Still, there are some characteristics of wives that being hated so much by the Prophet of Muhammad SAW as Ibnu Umar said: Once, Rasulullah SAW reveled teasing of some wives that are inconvenient of their husband treatment. Rasulullah said,
“Dear all lovely wives do give alms and do istighfar, because I see many of you are being placed in hell.” One of the women asked,” Dear Rasulullah, why we are being placed in hell?” Rasulullah SAW answered,” Most of you are often abusing and kufur (not grateful) each other. Indeed, those are considered as un intelligent and faithfulness.”
Ways Rasulullah SAW Deal with the Anger of Wife
Marriage is one of home life that should be lived in harmony and happiness to be a sakinah mawa’dah and warohmah family.
However, there is not always be smooth in undergo the life hood; there will be fights which is commonly happened in the marriage because marriage is combining two different characteristics into one home life. Read more about Importance of Polygamy for Wife
It is obviously seen that a wife is the one who are easily get angry and moody because her nature emotional characteristic and this is the reason it is become a test for a husband.
Rasulullah SAW said,
” خَيْرُكُمْ خَيْرُكُمْ لِأَهْلِهِ وَأَنَا خَيْرُكُمْ لِأَهْلِي
“The best of you are those who are giving the best for his wife, and I am the best person to my wife.” (HR. Tirmidzi)
There are several ways of Rasulullah SAW dealing with her spouse anger that should be followed by us:
- Do not reply her anger
As a role model to all Muslim around the world, Rasulullah SAW is certainly has a wife that having a nature characteristic as other women. In fact, Aisyah had angry with Rasulullah SAW, but He was able to muffle her wife anger because Rasulullah SAW was not a temper person.
Imam Bukhari and some theologians were narrated that one day Rasulullah SAW was having a meeting with some of his relatives. Suddenly, he heard a breaking plates from the kitchen whereas the plates contained the food for Rasulullah.
Aisyah was hit the plate that brought by her servant which named Zainab. Read more about How to Celebrate First Night with Wife in Islam
Seeing the accident was not making Rasululah SAW angry. Moreover, he is not feeling his self esteem down and being humiliated. He is also not worry labeled as a bad husband because cannot teach his wife to control her anger. [AdSense-B]
In spite of it, Rasulullah SAW is calmly getting closer to them as if as nothing happened and pick up the food on the floor into the rest of broken plates and served it to his relatives.
”Forgive me, your mother is jealousy”
said Rasulullah SAW to his relatives whereas bringing the new plates with food inside it to be brought by Zainab.
It is Khuluqum ‘Adhiim (the good manner) from Rasulullah SAW. He is not angry with Aisyah, because He knew that Aisyah was jealous to Zainab because that day was Aisyah turn to serve the food to Rasulullah rather than Zainab, but Zainab is already preparing the food for Rasulullah SAW.
That is the reason Aisyah was breaking the plate to express his jealousy.
[AdSense-A] Prophet Muhammad SAW solved the problem in wisely. He did not angry to Aisyah which is in anger condition because He knew if He was annoyed Aisyah, it will create another problem which will end to the fight whereas Rasulullah SAW dislikes it. Read more about How to Praise Your Wife in Islam
- Be Patient
Rasulullah SAW said to Aisyah,
” Truly, I can differentiate your attitudes when you are angry and happy with me. Aisyah asked,” How do you know that?”
Rasulullah SAW answered,
” When you are not angry, you will said ‘No, for all the God of Muhammad’ and when you are angry, you will say ‘No, for the God of Ibrahim”.
Aisyah is justified and said,
” Indeed, I can use your name only.” (Muttafaq ‘alaih)
Rasulullah SAW always teaches us to try to be patient because it is a good manner especially when a husband is dealing with an anger wife. We are recommended to always patient because Allah SWT is also commandment in QS. Zumar:10 which mentioned about giving a great rewards to those who are patient.
“To all my devout people, be godly to your God. The truth is those who are doing good manner in this world will get rewards. And the earth of Allah SWT is very wide. Indeed, those who are patient are getting great rewards without limitation.” (QS. 39:10)
- Respond with loves
When Aisyah was angry, she was mentioned a rude sentence to Rasulullah SAW,”
You are claimed as a prophet!”
Meanwhile Rasulullah SAW is only smile and does not look angry at all. He looked Aisyah with loves and appreciation looking. Read more about Rights of Bride in Islam
Here, when the bad words come out from the wife when she is angry, it is common to hear that a husband will also get angry even to hit his wife because he is resentful to the words. However, Rasulullah SAW is teaching to all husbands to respond the anger wife with loves even it is a hard thing to do in order not to increase another conflict.
- Prohibit to being rude to the anger wife
Once, there was a big fight among Rasulullah SAW and Aisyah until they were reported to Abu Bakar to be mediator for them. Read more about How to Give Pleasure to Wife in Islam
Rasulullah SAW said,
“Dear Aisyah, either you or I will speak first?”
” Please speak, but only the truth.”
Abu Bakar was angry until he hit Aisyah bloody because she is so rude to Rasulullah SAW. Abu Bakar scolded Aisyah,
“Dear a woman who is hostile herself, have you seen Rasulullah SAW was tell a lie?”
Realizing his father was angry, Aisyah covered on the back of Rasulullah SAW and Rasulullah SAW said,
“We are not visiting you in the condition to accept the rude treatment and both of us are not want it happened.” (HR. THabrani)
Based on the story mentioned, Rasulullah SAW was prohibited a husband to being rude to his wife even until hit her. Nevertheless, the fact is there are many husbands provoked his angry because of his wife so hit is become a lesson to a wife in order to obey and respect her husband.
Whatever the reason it is not justified and Rasulullah SAW action is should become our guidance when dealing with an anger wife.
It is a good deed to forgive other mistakes. In fact, Allah SWT is all Forgiveness as it is mentioned,”
فَاعْفُ عَنْهُمْ وَاسْتَغْفِرْ لَهُمْ وَشَاوِرْهُمْ فِي الأَمْرِ فَإِذَا عَزَمْتَ فَتَوَكَّلْ عَلَى اللّهِ إِنَّ اللّهَ يُحِبُّ الْمُتَوَكِّلِينَ
“Therefore, forgive them, ask forgiveness to them and discussed with them about the matter . Then when you already made up your mind, be godly to Allah SWT. Indeed, Allah SWT loves those who are being godly to Him. “[(QS. Al- Imran ; 159)].
It is also applies to deal with the anger wife, Rasulullah SAW taught us to forgive others mistakes especially our wives. It is recommended to be done because all of the bad words and attitudes when the wife is angry controlled by the devil. Thus, by forgiving her, a husband is able to muffle another conflict arise forward. Read more about Islamic Way to Treat Your Wife
Ways of Rasulullah SAW dealing with her wife anger is worthy to be our pattern to imitate in order to be a good moral for a husband and also to increase a husband’s faith and Islamic knowledge.